I can totally relate. Mine seems to totally need reassurance that she is beautiful, sexy, not fat, and that I love her all the time. If I don't give her the reassurance she needs she seeks it from someone else.

as a recovering bpd, I feel deep shame... in my core being and apologize all the time... Jess has to remind me I have the right to have needs and speak them....

that sounds so hard for the both of you hey cc it is good to have someone with bpd to put across theres as well wow its an insight that we all need from time to time ty and keep it comming please

Thanks for Joining in our little group. I think we could all learn important life lessons from you. Help me to understand why she expresses such anger toward the ones that she loves the most, and treats complete strangers with caring and compassion. I not against treating strangers with courtsey and respect, but feel that trust should be earned before you allow them to become a huge part of your life.

BPD causes you to have no boundaries and therefore you either trust completely or distrust completely. It is hard the when the disease of bpd is raging, we take it out on those we love... for this I have no explanation. I have to keep my words, feelings and actions in check... it is tiring but worth it to come to a place where I am no longer meet the criteria of BPD. Linehan is amazing. Her work and books have literally saved my life.

That is a light bulb moment for me. I know i have trouble with boundaries and that was a very clear way of expressing my problem so i can understand. Thank you.

I read something in the book "Sometimes I act crazy" that says "My life as a borderline makes everyday seem like groundhog day... constantly having the pressure of what I see affecting the lives of everyone else". I just sat there and cried.

I have BPD as well and I hate how I seem to really take out my hell on the ones closest to me. I feel so bad for doing it. Sometimes I feel like I hate the person I love & other times I love him with all my heart. It is a rollercoaster. When I express the way I feel (even though it surely isnt a reality to him) he often feels like I am telling him all he does is wrong. No clue how to change that. I have tried not to express me feelings and all that does is cause me to feel like I am trapt in hell.

i have to say a big thank you to cheerios as she gave my wife a present that has given us both hope and made a big difference to our lives it came in the book called help for high conflict couples and is appreciated so very much i can only recommend this book to others that are putting their relationship at risk due to having and living with bpd it has sure saved us in a big way ty so very much cheerios we appreciate you and jess so much for the help that you have given us

Remember ilu..... live your life with your wife until there is love no more... You both are so welcome, it was most helpful to Jess and I. Sending you both healing empowered energy.....

LBunnies - Have you read the book "I hate you, don't leave me"?

i'd like to add to this discussion, even though it's older. my SO recently did something to show me how he feels, although there was no just cause for him to do that. his own perception that i was betraying him led him to hurt me. it's frustrating. i want to be supportive, but i don't feel as though i have to share his pain with him.
now i am reactive and anxious about what he is going to do next. i feel paranoid, i feel distrust toward him, and that i cannot get through to him. this must be what he is feeling, but yet i have stood by him and never betrayed him.
he also doesn't acknowledge that his behavior is irrational, and i have no way of proving he has bpd other than what i research and hopefully find out from my therapist (i never sought therapy before being with him- not that therapy is bad, but it wasn't my lifestyle). he doesn't think anything is wrong, and he can talk circles and make an almost convincing argument. which makes me wonder if i'm crazy, so i seek constant affirmation from friends and family. to try and keep myself sane, i try to be as honest with myself as possible, so that when i seek affirmation, and get it, i know that i am still somewhat stable.
if that makes sense...

Forgive me for intruding and speaking off topic on this discussion, I just recently joined this group, I have commented on other member's posts as well as posted a new topic, 34 members in this group , not 1 has responded to any of my posted comments. I am truly surprised.

I hope to hear from another member from this group soon, I have found so many "ghosttown" groups on here, I hope this is not another one......................