Bisexuality Support Group
Bisexuality is a sexual orientation which refers to the aesthetic, romantic, and/or sexual attraction of individuals to other individuals of both their own and the opposite gender or sex. Most bisexuals are not equally attracted to men and women, and may even shift between states of finding either sex exclusively attractive over the course of time.
Hi, going to try this again, does anyone here know anything about polyamory, or have an opinion on it?
I'm a bi-male that had several poly relationships. But I have been in a monogamous marriage for the last 17 years. For various reasons (long story cut short), I find myself needing the companionship of a man, All emotional reason's, I'm not after sex, but would not turn it down. I just really need to be held, and comforted by another man.
Years ago I talked to my wife about the possibility of finding another man, that we could have a relationship with. She was almost at the point of agreeing, She did like the idea of having two men at once. However in the end the old monogamous teachings won out. So I dropped it, her feelings are more important to me than my own are.
So recently I have been thinking about talking to her again, it's been at least 15 yrs since I brought the subject up. The difference between now and then, other than my recent change in needs, is that now she has a reason to want to bring in another man also. Due to several medical reasons, I am totally impotent, there is no hope it will get better.
Any thoughts that anyone has would be appreciated. There is so much more to the story, but that's the basic idea.
I'm a bi-male that had several poly relationships. But I have been in a monogamous marriage for the last 17 years. For various reasons (long story cut short), I find myself needing the companionship of a man, All emotional reason's, I'm not after sex, but would not turn it down. I just really need to be held, and comforted by another man.
Years ago I talked to my wife about the possibility of finding another man, that we could have a relationship with. She was almost at the point of agreeing, She did like the idea of having two men at once. However in the end the old monogamous teachings won out. So I dropped it, her feelings are more important to me than my own are.
So recently I have been thinking about talking to her again, it's been at least 15 yrs since I brought the subject up. The difference between now and then, other than my recent change in needs, is that now she has a reason to want to bring in another man also. Due to several medical reasons, I am totally impotent, there is no hope it will get better.
Any thoughts that anyone has would be appreciated. There is so much more to the story, but that's the basic idea.
My husband and I are currently in the lifestyle community (aka swinging). I will tell you that for whatever screwed up reason, there is a lot of unfair discrimination against bi males. Bi females and lesbian are welcome with open arms and excitement. Still baffles me the double standard there but I did want to warn you. Swinging is generally more just for sex though, so you truly are talking about Polyamory I think.
Have you tried reading anything along with your wife on Polyamory? If you are interested, I highly recomment "The Ethical Slut". It might help both of you navigate through the challenges of opening up your relationship.
As for me, well I've been hanging out in the divorce group because as time goes on I'm finding I identify more and more as poly, my H more as purely swinger. I crave the emotional connection that one can get from being intimate other people. I have just very painfully ended yet another (this is the 3rd) relationship because it was too emotional for my H to handle. I don't think I can keep going through this cycle, and we have been around and around trying to find a middle ground. It seems unfair to both of us to continue this way, but after 20 years, it's a very painful thought to think of leaving my best friend and someone who I love dearly. Not to mention what the kids might go through as a result. Not really sure what I should do. :(
Back when I lived a poly life, for example if I was with Jeff, and met Mary and decided I wanted to date her, I took her home to meet Jeff, and over a few weeks let them get to know each other, and at any time Jeff had the right to say "I don't like her, and would prefer you didn't date her." That doesn't mean I had to stop seeing her, just that he had the right to tell me that. Of course at that point I would see if I could correct the situation If not and there was an actual problem between them, I then needed to decide who I cared the most about. I don't know a lot of poly people that do the whole take home to meet other spouse/gf/bf thing, but I just personally felt that it was only fair. I wanted to be consulted about who my sex partner was having sex with, safety sake you know. In order to make a three or four way relationship work, everyone has to be able to get along, if they can't then adjustments have to be made. Something for you to think about.
I didn't mention in this post that I had lived the poly life, but I did for officially almost 10 years, and for a few years before that, which was before I had ever heard of poly. The thought of being in a relationship with two people was unheard of in my world. You just didn't do it. But I was doing it, then moved on and found a group of poly people that I got involved with, and actually had the most emotionally rewarding relationships I ever had. My marriage is the best relationship, just not the most emotionally rewarding. I have emotional needs from women, and emotional needs from men, and unless I have both people in my life, my life is just not complete.
I have discussed things with my wife, and it didn't go well. She is just not at all interested in me having a male companionship, gay or straight. She's afraid I'll fall in love with him, and leaving her. She has always been insecure, especially where my sexuality is concerned, she's afraid that I'll decide a man can offer me something she can't. So I have started counseling because I had to have someone to talk to about all of this, and how to handle her insecurities. I have also put somewhat of a plan in motion, to help her understand my needs (which she refuses to even discuss it), and understand that I love her, and I'm not leaving her for anyone else. It's going to take a couple of years I'm sure, but if that what it takes, that is what it takes.
I'd very much like to open our marriage and go away from swinging, but my H is not comfortable with that idea. He would rather become monogomous than allow me to become emotionally involved with someone else. I think his difficulty in this stems from insecurity in himself and our relationship. He is convinced that no other woman wants him (regardless of any number of beautiful women in the swinging community that have thrown themselves at him, and to which he has become very close and even gone on dates with).
He has also become convinced lately that I'm going to leave him. I have broken off my other relationships for him, I have tried my best to show him all my love and appreciation and work on our relationship and find anything I might not be giving him. He's accused me of it so many times now that I'm just about convinced it's the only thing that I CAN do, he already believes I'm going to, maybe it's a self fulfilling prophecy? Ugh. I don't know how to help him see that he is pushing me further and further away.