Bisexuality Support Group
Bisexuality is a sexual orientation which refers to the aesthetic, romantic, and/or sexual attraction of individuals to other individuals of both their own and the opposite gender or sex. Most bisexuals are not equally attracted to men and women, and may even shift between states of finding either sex exclusively attractive over the course of time.
I've been having a hard time dealing with my ex gf and trying to course correct things in our relationship. She's my best friend, and our problems aren't as bad as some couples, but I wanted to stop promoting a codependent relationship lifestyle between us. Our age gap (she's 19 I'm 24) and life experience gaps were huge contributors to me wanting space and my independence back. I've grown to resent her in some areas as well, which I do not want to promote.
I want stability in my life. I'm so used to having to do everything and care for her that I am used to being "the man" or parent in our relationship. In many ways, I see men as the ones that would control me and the relationship (not in a bad way. Think of more traditional couples - 1950's). Right now I find this a very attractive idea because I'm so desperate for stability in my life.
Men tend to be masculine which means (in my head) that they will take care of things and the family. I know this isn't true for all guys, but this is a generalized idea in my mind. The actual physical act of sec with men is very intimidating for me, but I would actually get mutual sexual satisfaction (hopefully). I'm so used to being the one that pleased my ex gf and being sexually unfulfilled. If I at least had a male partner, when we had sex I'd get some sort of pleasure and not have to get it via masturbation.
I keep finding myself wanting to be with men. I just woke up not to long ago after having yet another dream about having sex with a man. This has been going on for months while I was struggling in my relationship. I know I could psychoanalyze this all I want, but I don't want too. I need to talk about it here instead and get others prospectives on this.
I'm wondering if my need for stability could be causing me to be more attracted to men. There is someone from my past that I liked that is becoming more active in my life. He's a great friend and listens to me when I need someone to talk to. He's able to keep his emotions in check, which makes me feel safe whereas my ex gf would get highly emotional which is very intimidating for me.
There is a part of me that still likes him. It's been two years this winter since he and I were close like that, but I keep finding myself wanting to be with him or getting closer to him. There's a lot more to that whole situation because of what transcribed with him and my ex gf, but I suppose one of the things I keep asking myself is whether or not I'm attracted to him because I feel my life is out of control ATM or if it's because he has qualities I really want in someone right now.
Gah! Life is confusing.
I want stability in my life. I'm so used to having to do everything and care for her that I am used to being "the man" or parent in our relationship. In many ways, I see men as the ones that would control me and the relationship (not in a bad way. Think of more traditional couples - 1950's). Right now I find this a very attractive idea because I'm so desperate for stability in my life.
Men tend to be masculine which means (in my head) that they will take care of things and the family. I know this isn't true for all guys, but this is a generalized idea in my mind. The actual physical act of sec with men is very intimidating for me, but I would actually get mutual sexual satisfaction (hopefully). I'm so used to being the one that pleased my ex gf and being sexually unfulfilled. If I at least had a male partner, when we had sex I'd get some sort of pleasure and not have to get it via masturbation.
I keep finding myself wanting to be with men. I just woke up not to long ago after having yet another dream about having sex with a man. This has been going on for months while I was struggling in my relationship. I know I could psychoanalyze this all I want, but I don't want too. I need to talk about it here instead and get others prospectives on this.
I'm wondering if my need for stability could be causing me to be more attracted to men. There is someone from my past that I liked that is becoming more active in my life. He's a great friend and listens to me when I need someone to talk to. He's able to keep his emotions in check, which makes me feel safe whereas my ex gf would get highly emotional which is very intimidating for me.
There is a part of me that still likes him. It's been two years this winter since he and I were close like that, but I keep finding myself wanting to be with him or getting closer to him. There's a lot more to that whole situation because of what transcribed with him and my ex gf, but I suppose one of the things I keep asking myself is whether or not I'm attracted to him because I feel my life is out of control ATM or if it's because he has qualities I really want in someone right now.
Gah! Life is confusing.
I'd be wary of having an over idealized expectation on a M/F relationship. That could lead to greater disappointment and confusion. Sounds to me like you are looking for a person to fill the "masculine" role. You are correct that just because you have a penis doesn't mean you fill that role, my wife and I are reversed that way, she takes care of paying the bills, etc. I tend to stress out too much!
You might be implanting that idealism on your sexual desires, you are feeling unsatisfied because your ex was for lack of better terms "selfish" and wasn't acknowledging of your needs or desires. It's kind of the lesser of two evils I think, "If I have sex with a male then while I'm being penetrated I will feel some sensation at least." Sexual fulfillment isn't all about the physical, even from a guy's perspective, there has to be some emotional connection there.
You could have latent feeling for this friend of yours, but are they genuine? or just puppy love? Does he represent what you think you are looking for? Are there other ways to get that needed sense of stability? Is it financial or emotional stability you are so desperate for? I think it would be a good idea to sit back and ponder what it is, more specifically you are looking for. It doesn't have to be exactly what you are looking for but a solid sense of a general idea.
I hope you find what you are looking for!
I won't over idealize a MxF relationship. I'm quite pessimistic about them because all my boyfriends have cheated on me. You're right about the "masculine" role though. I think if I found a butch woman or one that was a top I'd probably be happy. But considering my situation with my ex gf, I haven't even considered looking at another woman.
Emotionally things are so complicated for me that I don't want to rely on anyone so I don't plan on having a serious relationship for quite some time.
As for my feelings about him, I'm not quite sure yet. I know I still care from two years ago, but current I'm not 100% on. He and I are going to see each other in 2.5 weeks so I'll find out then because I haven't really talked to him about stuff like that. Plus I figured my heart will clear up once I'm around him and see how it goes. I do know that I can't handle serious relationships right now so I wouldn't have one with him for awhile.
Financial and emotional stability are two things I really want in my life right now. He has financial stability (is about to graduate from college and go to grad school, works two jobs, has a new car, etc) and isn't as emotionally super charged as my ex gf. He can be emotionally lacking, from what I felt 2+ years ago.
Thanks for responding. It made me feel much better reading your reply even though I'm all sorts of scatterbrained with my posts.
Humunculus: I have been doing a lot of internal psychoanalyzing but I hit a point where I needed to talk to someone so I came here. I don't know if I will work on this with a therapist yet because I'm meeting her this Friday for the first time and dunno if I'll like her etc. Plus I'm going to see him in 2.5 weeks.
Thanks for the sentiment!
The sex can go either way. Though I try not to sound like an expert, the only thing I can say with absolute certainty is that even though, in my experience, it might not necessarily be easier (depending on enthusiasm, experience, etc.) to satisfy a man, it's definitely not as complicated as it might be with a woman.
That having been said, you're welcome to say hi or reach out if you need someone to talk to.
anyway my point is that I understand.
I am going to try not to think about it so much... maybe you shouldn't either. try not to give yourself rules... if your friend feels right to you then hang out withhim more.
Im just taking things one day at a time. I think you should as well because otherwise well overthink and confuse ourselves lol. And in your case, as Ive said many times, theres nothing wrong with attending LGBT meetings or going out to coffee with ladies! ;D