Well, I would've probably responded with an energetic "F_ck you!"

The right reaction...don't know. Like I said, I would've blown my top.

Did you reply in any way?

Sorry that happened to you, btw.

Wow. Sorry, offbalance. I have to admit, I Hate when people do stuff like that.

(a) If it were strangers, people I don't know well/aren't close to me who said it, I would be able to respond in a calm voice, rationally, that they were offending me and that if the conversation were reversed, they would feel Just as offended as I.

...but, um, (b) If it were My Family, as it is yours, I would probably cry and stomp and go emotionally ballistic and slam a door as I walked outside to have a cigarette.


'Cause I'm the type that is affected by people who are Close to me. (And My family are idiots, too)


What you Do, is the best you can at the moment. And from now on, because you Know how she must think of you, you can prepare yourself mentally for Each and Every time you visit her. You can Practice what offensive situations might come up, and how you might respond - even writing some of it down - so you can Separate yourself from the overwhelming negative feelings that are bound to attack you.

Does that make sense? (I could have said, 'Just SMack her!"...but that wouldn't really help, would it?)

Hugs -

goingthru :/

without knowing the context of the heated discussion, this is impossible to answer.

being a pretty quiet guy myself, i can say that people who scream and yell and are slave to some huge anger freak me out, and yes...i question that persons stability.

not saying this was the situation whatsoever. just explaining why this is an impossible question to answer.

LOL, a poke in the nose. Not a violent person myself major cuss words come to mind though. I think I woulda called her out on it

If the discussion was heated I can see that one would respond in the moment with anger...
Anger often stems from pain and family can sure press our buttons at times..
I think I would have asked her to direct her questions about me to me.. It was a callous and cruel remark that was hurtful and I would have told her that
It's condescending and it seems to reflect her anger a lot more then it reflects your stability.. I would have told her that to
I'm sorry you were hurt... Big hug for you...x

I think it would've been perfectly "human" to respond in anger.

If you responded more calmly and with a well thought out response, and took into account the tone of discussion, etc., then that's a job well done, in my opinion.

I certainly would not judge anyone for flipping out hearing that remark, though.

I think it would have also been different if the remark was directed at you, not to your mom, acting like you're not even in the room hearing it.

SunCloud is right on the money with her suggested (appropriate) response. And by appropo i only mean a response that might actually be "heard" (at least eventually) and truly place the ball in the other court...in theory, and without knowing the circumstances.

having said that, touchof blue is of course correct in saying that anyone's angry response to these remarks would be completely understandable. I know full well that I would have said WTF and it might have escalated from there...I'm just keeping it real. given and received training in effective communication but I have a tongue like a snake's and scorpion's stinger combined...

mojopaw comes to the important point that context does matter, though. a lot.

In any case, offbalance, I'm sorry that you had to experience that because OF COURSE it is highly offensive...

i would have told her to mind her own damn bizz...i am the type of person that takes shit from nobody...sorry just the way i am..

I had an aunt that I thought was totally my friend and on my side. Well, one day I emailed her (about 4 years ago) and was just trying to stay in touch and she replied back the most hateful email about how I was always sick and looking for attention. So, I sent her back an email that I will not repeat here because I don't talk like that unless truly necessary. Needless to say we don't have any contact anymore. What can you do?? I think sometimes our families are more nuts than we are.....I know mine is!!! Sorry you had to go through that. I guess I think it's better to know .

In some ways I agree this is impossible to answer having not been there myself.

The unfortunate thing is that once words are said they can't be unsaid no matter the intent of the person speaking.

You may always remember this and yes it is offensive however, I think perhaps some clarification from your aunt may be in order when you are up to it.

Speaking from experience there are certain people I've had to cut out of my life totally just because they are toxic to me. I hope you and your aunt are not at that point.

Good luck.

Everyone has given you som good points to think over.

Myself ?
I have an Aunt I feel very close to also, if this had happened to me , I'd probably just pull into myself .

The words were very hurtful, but if you have been close in the past, I'd give it a try to mend fences before totally cutting your Aunt out.

And YES, in the heat of an argument we ALL say things we wish we hadn't

HUGS !

This comment from was very hurtful, what did your mother answer? I would of told her off, in a calm way, so, she couldn't say ''see''? Now you know you cannot trust your aunt. I would distant myself from her. You know you cannot talk to her anymore...How dare she talk about you like that? She sounds heartless and mean. And, I rather have a BP, then be ''sick'' like she is, and insult her own niece, and say hurtful things on purpose.

Sorry ! I meant to write, ''I would rather be BP''.