Hanna, I didn't have time to read through all of the replies. I'm about to head out the door. But from what I saw, you have to get a tdoc referral for a pdoc, and then you'll discuss medication, right? I just wanted to say that my son was dx'd with early onset of BP Disorder NOS and has been on Depakote since he was 6 years old. It's been a life saver, not only for me, but most importantly for him. There is help and relief to come. Try to hang in there. You can talk to me anytime you'd like. I've been where you are. I wish I had more time to talk now, but I don't. I'll message you later. Take care.

Hanna,

First of all, I do you dare to regret of your parenthood? Do you really think that only parents that will produce perfect children should you be allowed to have them. That's sort of a Nazi way to see things.

Anyway, I think you were just were venting, and that's ok. Clearly you are a mom of the good kind.

It's a law of life, we're getting back all the troubles we gave to our parents. But, if comforts you, they will get the same medicine with their own children.

I pray for you to keep having the strength to fighting this battle.

Oh, and I was in the same boat. Had my son before I was dx'd. I haven't had any children since because I don't want to continue to pass on the disorder. Doesn't mean that I'm not thrilled to have my son. I love him dearly. Just don't want to knowingly subject someone to that kind of life. That's my personal feelings on the matter. I know others disagree. But with my son on the Depakote, aside from occasional flare ups like what he's gone through recently, you can't even tell he's on meds or that he's BP. He acts like any other kid. There is hope.

I've been diagnosed with all sorts of depressive disorders since i was 17 and finally with bipolar in my late 20's. i never thought that a normal life would be possible. I was always blowing up at my daughter wich in turn she learned how to behave just like her mommy. I hated being a mother. I didn't know why or what was wrong with me. But they diagnosed me but the meds they put me on werent the right ones for me. I was still struggling soooo much everyday and it really sounds like you are too. Have you thought about changing your meds? There is nothing to be ashamed of that you have this disorder and nothing wrong with how we see life when our meds can't manage us the problem comes when we don't want to change when we know our meds aren't working like they should. I acutally had to change meds 3 times and take an extra med when i cycle to keep level. my daughter had to go into therapy for almost a year and she is doing a lot better. thankfully medicine was not needed but that's not the case for everyones children. i tried to put her on meds and it had a severe reaction with her....it made her psycotic. best of luck to you and your son and know that with the right meds and therapy that there is hope for the future. our lives are very normal. Now i do believe a lot of this has to do with my life style changes as well but the meds did the trick to. don't ever give up hope in finding the right med for your bi polar. it is out there. and if your still cycling its not the right one. keep searching. you shouldn't feel like that all the time.

correction to my note...you still cycle but you shouldnt be cycling so often that there is no up time.

Maybe your son is picking up on your antipathy? Kids are pretty intuitive.

As you are in a new relationship not with his father & have recently moved this could also have had an impact on him?

Get him in therapy...or better still family therapy?

Both of my sons have imbalances. My oldest was finally diagnosed with ADHD when he was six. He has been on meds. since then. He was given meds. by his general doctor. His general doctor and I both know he has traits of Autism too, but they use some of the same meds. Before he started meds., I dreaded everyday of getting a call from the school. He is almost thirteen now. When the meds. wear off in the evening he becomes wild again.

My youngest didn't start showing problems until he started kindergarten this year. The same general doctor has decided he doesn't need meds yet and we agree.

He sounds just like your son. He's also my avatar at the moment.

His biggest problems that trigger his behavior are lack of sleep and being around other hyper children. Fussing or other punishments would never work for him. I think he also has a touch of Autism or maybe OCD. Right now he can be controled by an unusual way.

When he does something, I tell him I have a good boy that knows better than to act like that. I give him a hug or play with his hair as I explain why it wasn't correct to do the thing he did. He wants to be good if he has had enough sleep.

Sleep is very important for him. I can't stress how much sleep changes my youngest from a wild animal to sweet calm boy.

Having the house clean with minimal distractions are also huge with my children. If I let the house get out of control, they are much wilder. If anyone around them are out of control they are much wilder.

I just realized, I've been doing SOCIAL STORIES with my youngest. I do it with my oldest too, but I didn't notice it until now that I have been doing social stories with both of them.

Mine aren't as good as the (Grey or Gray) woman, but they work well for them. There is also a huge difference if we break from a schedule like a bath in the morning instead of the evening. My sons need warning that something is going to change.

I was so glad to see someone say in a post what I have felt at times. It is very difficult to handle some children. Then we feel guilty because we have passed the genes on to them.

My husband is the Aspergers person. I'm the ADHD and OCD. My husband also has a personality disorder I think. We are a family of disorders.

We all take meds but my youngest.

I would suggest seeing if you could get a worker to work with him. If he is on medicaid, I will tell you the official names.

T

My oldest who is now 22 was a horrible child. She destroyed my house every chance she got, beat the shit out of her sister alot, refused to go school in the morning stating that for her school didnt start til noon. This is back before they tested kids for BP. I wanted to kill her. Every day was huge fight. I by then was a single parent and the only help I had was my elderly parents. I did get her involved in Big Brothers Big Sisters which helped some. She also was encouraged to go out for sports in hopes that would tire her out. Finally at 17 she was dx'd BP1 and I was relieved that she was put on meds. She wont take them now as she says she isnt BP but she is an adult and that is her choice. She has grown up tho to be basically a great adult who holds down a job, has graduated college and for all practical purposes she is a contributing part of society. Her manics are almost as bad as mine and I cringe when she enters one but we get thru it. I know I am rambling I guess what I wanted to say is I promise you it does get better and honestly unless your child is "perfect" there isnt a parent in the world that has never had doubts.

oh hanna,

being bp and bringing up children can be so very hard let alone when your child has a mood disorder...i brought up my children alone, and i was not medicated at the time, and when i think of how i was with them, how i flipped out on themm...i just can't even think about it because i begin to cry...and i'm afraid i won't ever stop...

but, hanna, i think just make sure first to take good care of u...that is the first thng...make sure your doing well on your meds, and that they dont' need tweaking.... and take good care of yourself, like take nice baths for yourself, and walks, and things that make you feel good, be tender with yourself...

as far as your son goes....i did not read all the responses..but is he seeing his pdoc on a regular basis, and is he on meds? maybe keeping a mood diary for him would help , for both you and the pdoc to see any patterns..

also hanna, i found, well, i wish it all the time, but i was not taking care of myself then, but certain clear moments i had, i would really try to praise mhy kids good behavior(neither had a mood disorder...but i think this would help either way) just really praise his good behavior, maybe even start a star or sticker chart and when he takes the "high road" rahter then the "low road" you have him put a sticker up on the chart, and when he gets a certain amount of stickers, you do something he loves to do to celebrate with him...i found this sticker thing really helped with my kids..they loved it and felt really proud of themselves, and like the reward we would have together, whether it's just going for a slice of pizza, or going on a nice bike ride, or even buying them a little prize they pick out...

thinking of you hanna, and praying for you , i know how hard it can be..i was there, but i was unmedicated and i have so many regrets..ps, like zany said, when he is in bed at night...go give him a little kiss and just watch him sleep..i think that reminds us of all the inate beautiful goodness children have inside...and that he really is an angel.....(even though he can be a devil sometimes, lol) big hugs hanna, love, maggie

Hanna, from what you wrote i think the possibility of meds should be looked into, Punishment etc. probably will not make much impact as a kid i was counciled punished sent to juvenile boot camps even those i got kicked out of, the more they pushed the more defiant i became.

I would say you can go to PrimaCare or one of those places that don't have to wait till December. Of course, there is a cost. :(

Sorry for your trouble. When I was a kid, I never hit a soul but lived every day of my teenage life thinking how to commit suicide and hoping to die. Luckily my mom never knew about it and never lost me. But I WISH she took me to a doctor and put me on medicine to be a normal child. I never HAD teenage years. It was all black!

Sometimes a doctor can help...
Good luck!

I didnt read all the comments but you said you cant get meds till prob feb can you go thru the route of the school?

counselor, psychocologitst, pscyatrist etc?

If that was happening to me, I would try to seek counceling.... If that did not work, a nice whooping is in order.

One of the comments I read said that you are NOT on meds. If this is true and is a personal choice (not supported by your doctor) don't you think you should look after yourself first so that you can be the best you can be for your son?

Personally I don't agree with medicating a child. There haven't been enough drug studies on children.

If you are in a new relationship and have just moved this may be having an affect. Also you said that he was with an 11 year old he was probably just going along with this kid..you know peer pressure. Young children learn from other kids. Maybe you could find children his own age to play with.

Maybe he's not ready for school...talk to his teachers, principal and school counsellor before spending big bucks on a therapist/doctor/meds remember this is big business. If you do decide to go this route research the therapist/doctor throughly and get referrals and remember there's always home schooling.

Talk to other parents and find out if the teacher/school is any good. How many kids in his class? Maybe put him in a smaller classroom/special education where he can get more attention. At this age school is really just to socialize the child they don't learn too much cognitive stuff. There could be something physically wrong with him like eyesight or hearing which would put him at a disadvantage while getting instructions from the teacher causing him anxiety.. Get him a complete physical.

One thing I learnt as a teacher with problem kids is to reward good behaviour and ignore the bad...even negative attention can be a reward....hey they got your attention didn't they?

Your child is acting out as a cry for help. At 6 he has little control over his emotions. This is true for all 6 year olds. Have you tried time outs at home/at school?

If you were a drinker during pregnancy he could have fetal alcohol syndrome

Thanks for all the support. Even the criticism.

I'm not completely ignorant which you could have got from just reading my post. Some people know more than others about the battles I have with my son and I wrote this without thinking about that.

Yes, we're in the midst of an adjustment. We've just moved and I am not in a "new" relationship. My fiance has been in my son's life for most of his life. I have my son in counselling and in special education. I am in constant contact with all of his teachers, his principal and his therapist. I own up to the fact that he is my responsibility and so are his actions. Rude as Admiral may have put it, he/she is right, and I have gone to this man's house that my son has vandalized and I have given him my # and offered to pay for any repairs to the damage that had been done by my son. Thankfully he seems to be a reasonable man and he wants to leave courts out of it now.

I am trying my hardest to get some medication management for my son. He was diagnosed as just broad spectrum mood disorder, NOS....as well as ADHD and ODD. I am doing everything I can. Star charts, calm talking, IEP, bedtime meds (which still don't provide enough sleep for him), sugar free diet, you name it I've tried it.

I don't regret becoming a parent, I'm simply at my wits end. I'm at the point of "why me?" Why was I sentenced by God with this disorder and why would God allow my poor son to be doomed with it as well? AND...How the hell am I supposed to deal with it? I feel enormous guilt for having trouble dealing with my own son. But it's my only reason for living anyway. I live day by day just to see if I make it, and if my son makes it through another day.

Thanks again for all the support and criticism.