I started Clonazapam two days ago, and it seemed to be working fine... until last night. The second dose was starting to wearing off and my family, my boyfriend, and I were going to see the new Harry Potter movie. We sat down and started watching... and I found myself crying...

Throughout the movie, which was fantastic, not something I would ever normally cry to, I kept crying on and off. I was doing my best to keep it to myself too.

Afterwards I went to the bathroom and once I sat down in a stall a whole lot of tears came up. I did my best to stay quiet though. I just kept crying and crying though. I didn't think I was in there long before my Mom came in calling for me. I finished up, tried my tears with the toilet paper, got out to wash my hands and dry my face a little more using the mirror. In my depressed state during this time I was even thinking that I should just stop all the drugs because this isn't worth it and how is it ever going to work, I'm just going to have these bad reactions to all of the stupid drugs I will never find anything that works for me.

Apparently my family was very worried about me. Then they wouldn't allow me to drive as we went to a restaurant. I still felt very depressed at the restaurant too.

My family was talking about how they were concerned for me, my boyfriend was trying to explain about the side effects and getting used to drugs and all, but he agrees that this severe depression indicates that clonazapam is definitely NOT the right drug for me. My father and step mother started insisting that before the diagnosis and the drugs I was doing just fine! That I should probably never have been diagnosed and I certainly should not be on any drugs! They tried to insist that every issue I have been having before everyone deals with, that it isn't just me. That I'm not special and I don't need these diagnoses because everyone deals with what I'm dealing with, I just think I'm worse and that everyone else is fine.

When I got home and it was just my Mom, my Brother, my Boyfriend, and me, we talked about what happened, why it is important for me to continue trying, how this has all effected my life before. My boyfriend spoke about how he has seen me have episodes several times in the past.

My Mom thinks that perhaps the anxiety I experienced before everything on a day to day basis is normal. She thinks I should just stay on the mood stabilizer for now until we are sure that it is working fine and that there aren't any side effects from that. I am thinking totally the other way around. I would rather just try one anxiety pill at a time, and then when I find one that works start with the mood stabilizers. The small episodes I have are not all that bad for me. I seem to spend more time in manic anyway, which I am totally cool with. I just can't handle all the anxiety... it drives me up the wall!