oh and while I was working on over coming panic attacks I went target shooting and damaged my hearing, probably permanently.

Life is a crapper at times, and I am right there with you right now. It's good that you don't want to take your life, or you at least won't. Sometimes all we can do is put one foot in front of the other at times. I am struggling with actually doing that, but when we can do it - it can only carry us toward a new path, a new life, a new way of being. Dark times can pass, we just have to give them some time and find something to hang onto in the meantime.

And I am really sorry about having to give up one or more of your dogs. That's just really tough man. You have some upsides though...you can come back from much that you mentioned above. You still have a job. You are working on getting your meds on track. Hold onto the good stuff, even if it doesn't seem like much. For that is what keeps us going sometimes. Hang in there. Sometimes we don't know how strong we are until we have no choice but to be.

I have to move again, after I was homeless for 3 years. I have been through 2 deaths in 3 years. I thought I was safe in the apt I am in. But I was not. I have moved since i have been with my husband. We found another apt. But it is a long fall from this one. Its in a basement, the carpet is probably really old. lol. But I didn't want to stress myself out looking for another one, waiting to see if your accepted, paying 50$ here or 25$ there for the credit check, back round check. I do not feel comfortable here and am only comfortable early in the morning or at night. I also have a jack russel beagle mix, He is a rescue dog . We have had him for about 4 years NO way I can leave him. So I feel bad for you. No one wants to rent to pet owners, even in duplexes. Anyway I feel for you and it will get better, I was hospitalised back in early april. Put on sequel at night. I had been so lost for the past few years, drinking almost a 5 of vodka a day. That helped stopping the drinking. and I learned to relax. BIG DEAL for me. Si I know I am rambling, sorry. To make my life easier I moved into a dump. But I have to hope in a few months that I will feel well enough to start looking again. Life sucks but we have to deal with it. God bless ya best of luck!

I'm a Christian too and I'm sending you prayers. When God deals us hands like this we must be knocked to our knees in surrender. God will get you through this and make sure you are in church. You need the support right now.

i'm so sorry to hear of this shitstorm (a friend of mine always uses this term - it's so right on!!).

i lost many friends the first few years of my active bipolarhood, mostly due to behavior while manic. getting stabilized on medication - i think if a person hasn't gone thru it, they don't have a clue. i've gone into med changes with a lot of hope, thinking that THIS next cocktail or THAT combination will do it, will get me grounded. it's a cruel experience. but i want you to hear this: it HAS gotten better. there IS hope. i've even been able to look back and find some 'reasons' for certain experiences. and i also know, as sure as i'm typing this, that it could all turn to shit for me again. no one, and no drug, can make my serotonin reproduce exactly the right amount. my neurotransmitters get fucked, and abt all i can do is try and ride out the storm when it's active.

god bless.........................{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I've been through a simultaneous bankruptcy and divorce. It sucks - a lot. However, I'm living proof that its very possible to recover just fine. Bankruptcy was really a relief for me. It takes a little work to rebuild your credit but it can be done. It is also possible to find a spouse who can tolerate bipolar disorder. I wasn't holding my breath on that one but it happened. Ask God to show you the way and he will. Tell him you need a sign. Maybe you needed a big change to push you towards something better. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Hugs to you! I hope things start to improve soon. Life really sucks sometimes.
When I have hit the roughest patches, I think of my kids and how blessed I am to have them. It looks like you have an adorable son with a smile that could light up a room.