I used to be able to smoke a little weed and chill out, and draw awesome portraits. I would love how it made me have inspiration to draw new things. Now I can't smoke it it freaks me out! Or why can't I have any alcohol. I used to drink a few drinks and be fine. Now if I drink one I'm freaking out. How will this effect my mental state. What if I go into a manic episode. I think crazy thoughts that make everything/my life no fun for me. I used to be the life of the party in certain social situations. Now My thoughts make me paranoid. I hate going to the store and seeing people b/c I think they are laughing at me. I feel so low on self esteem. I have to walk in store saying have confidence over and over, because I think that will stop people from talking behind my back. I'm a nut job I know. And I hate myself for being a nut job. My brothers right I have no friends at all. Where did I go wrong. When did I become a loser with no friends, no job, and no inspiration. And I'm 29. Is it possible for me to even get married after my life? After what I have lost? No one would want me. I don't know why my boyfriend is even with me. Does he really love me? Do I love him? 6 yrs no rock? Should I leave him. Then I'll have no one. I just want to be married one day. How can I find the inspiration I had once. My meds make me so tired. My dad called me lazy. I'm just always tired.
That's my vent.