Bipolar feels like a scentence to hell for me. It feels like a huge label across my forehead for others to crap on me and make me feel like I am the monster of the family or group. I hate bipolar.

bipolar to me feels like a vise as i try harder and harder to control the urges to rage and rant and yell, or just sob. that's how i picture it in my head, as a battle with myself where i am squeezing all of my emotions into this vise to crush them until i have some sort of control again-and it makes me feel dead inside everytime i have to do it, and succeed.

i lose control of my emotions because i am not in control, BP is.

Bipolar gives others a ticket to blame you for everything. Which sucks. It's all our fault PEOPLE! grrr

sometimes I feel like I am too busy being selfish. sometimes I feel like others are to busy being selfish, many many different feeling and god I can get angry as hell quick, that I would like to have more control over, but I am getting there.

It's a constant war in your head.

I feel totally out of control....with my anger, my ego, my depression. I don't feel whole. I really feel like a tornado, I'm in the center and everything else is spiraling around me so fast that I can't focas on a single thing

i feel like it's a lifetime prison term. and u get talked about behind your back more often cause we are always the one to 'blame" for most things gone wrong. i feel like i want to die all the time and i hate that. nothing seems to make me happy for more than 10 mins...

i feel like i am not the one in control. i feel like it is something else that sets me off sometimes and controls me during those times. wanting to die because i dont feel associated with anyone anymore is what is bothering me now and has been for a few weeks.

bi polar means future hospital bills too.

i hate BI POLAR!!!!

pat

oh, i know about hospital bills. I am just now beginning to pay my deductible, started in May. Was hospitalized in November. Things have beeen rough in my household due to a whole bunch of problems. But we, my hubby and I try real hard not to let it affect us as a couple. As far as BP goes, he deals pretty well with me. But there are times i drive him crazy.

i feel like all of you do, thank you all for responding to my thread. It makes me really feel like i am not alone in my desparate feelings. Racing thoughts, moodiness, anger, suicidal ideations(thinking about it, but not acting on it) I wish that you all didn't have to go through all the same things, maybe even more, but it does make me feel better knowing i am not alone.

When i was hospitalized, we had a Tuesday mass, after which i asked Father, if we were to do something wrong in our illness, does God hold us responsible? His reply was a definite NO. But society does, especially when they know we are taking our meds. They expect it to make us whole. But we all know it doesn't, it may help, but it is not the cureall. I hope this helps make you all feel a bit better.

I feel like I'm all alone in the world. I feel like I've burned bridges with my whole family and the only person left, Graham, carries the weight of this. He carries me, because he feels sorry for me, he doesn't know how to deal with the depression and certainly not with the mania. Now that I'm depresseed and crying all the time he doesn't know what to do, so he does what most people would do, he leaves the house to go and find 'sane' people to talk to or to just be by himself in the garage, and leaves me writing on this stupid computer. If I leave this place, it's to a woman's shelter that I will go and I will have to leave Trooper my cat with Graham, because of course shelters don't allow animals do they.
I feel sorry for myself. That's what the self-talk is: 'Lisa, you're just feeling sorry for yourself.'
I can't control my emotions so I'm crying for no apparent reason. I'm realizing now, because he just mentioned it - we don't have a lot in common. He's the only person on this earth that will talk to me, and I don't know where he is, and I need him. I need him to just wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything will be okay.

I suppose I should ammend my other comment. In a fit of mania, I told my family that I no longer wanted anything to do with them. Not understanding BP at all they actually took me up on it and had a note drafted stating that my presence at their home (my mum and dad's) would be met with police officers as I would be breaking the law if I even went near it. Now that I'm 'stable' if a bit depressed. I find that to be the saddest thing ever. How can they just discard me from their lives like some peice of dirt. I'll tell you what though, if I had cancer or diabetes or some other (non stygma'd disease, they never would have dropped me at the side of the road like a peice of trash. So much for your loved ones trying to understand BP and get on the same page. I'm just really upset right now. Have any of you people ever been abandoned?

in a way. The one's in my family that do accept me with my "problems" are the ones who also have bipolar. The rest ignore it, and do not want to hear about it. They say "it's life, live with it". No understanding, they think it can be personally controlled, hah. well, i got news for them, it is hereditary, And there has been mental problems in many generations of my family, so it is possible for them to have it too.

I do not have bipolar, but someone in my family does. She has suffered for years, and I wish I could be more supportive, but I don't how.

She cuts herself off from the family. Then she gets depressed and misses us. But it seems she misses the idea of us, because when we actually drive the 5 hours to visit her when she asks, she can't stand us anymore after a couple of hours. Then she gets depressed when we won't come. But a 10 hour trip to see her is a hard trip for us with small children only to see her for 2 hours. It feels like walking on egg shells. Every thing has to be perfect for her or she gets irritated. The noise can't be too loud, or the kids too active, and my nerves are shot at the end of the visit.

We have had 3 Christmas' where she just refused to come in. She said the activity and the hustle and bustle she just couldn't handle.

I am not judging her. In fact, I have begun taking her 3 year old daughter on weekend visits with me every couple of months this year so she can re-focus. I really do want to know how I can help her. But it is hard when it always has to be done her way.