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what are your thoughts on death

mysticrose
mysticrose
Im missing my children so much. I lost them in January. The new lawyer I went to see hasn't been in touch. 2hrs visitation a week isn't doing it for me. I call them every night and then I drink to feel numb. I was kicked out of the house my ex and his new wife owned where I had the kids. Now I'm in a granny flat at my friends house. It's raining outside and I'm grateful I have a warm dry place to sleep but I'm so sad all the time. so here is my question. What if when I died? Maybe in the spirit world I would get to be around my children more often. I could be with them all the time and watch them grow and be there for their firsts, their first kiss, first date, all their birthdays, see their friends, all the things I'm missing out on now. Sure I get to hear about it but it's not enough. What about Christmas? I'm in so much debt with bills from the house and a credit card. When I had the kids my ex was supposed to pay me an extra $4,000 than he did and now the government is chasing me for $2,000 saying I should chase him down for what he owes me and take him to court. Only problem with that is he gave up work to look after the kids and on legal advice now I have no chance of that money but the government still wants their cut of it. I call Lifeline or suicide call back services regularly to get me through the initial crisis of the situation but now I'm really seriously thinking of planning it. Maybe in the after life things would be better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm really sorry you feel that way. I have a plan, but every moment I pledge not to use it. Think about how your kids would feel with knowing that their mom was dead. They would be so sad. You would change the trajectory in this world and maybe not for the better because of their grief. Money is just money. If it's too much declare bankruptcy. Or just deal with it as best you can. I have tons of debt (40k) and I just chip away at it one dollar at a time. Please know that you have things to live for in your kids who I'm sure love you and would be devastated if you died.

You are loved in the world, and it would be that much sadder should you leave it. I have to believe it too or I wouldn't be here to make my friends and family happy and whole. Should I die,they would feel it forever. Please chose life.
Nester4U
Nester4U
Crawling is acceptable
Falling is acceptable
Puking is acceptable
crying is acceptable
Blood is acceptable
Pain is acceptable
QUITTING is not acceptable

Hang in there even if it's by a thread. Things will turn around if you just hang in there. BIG HUGS!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry you feel this way. I understand. I went through a divorce in the past few years. Keep calling suicide line, keep posting here, hang on.

I think that when we die, that's it. No afterlife, no happy haunting our loved ones. I don't think it's an end to trouble and the beginning of good times. I think it's just the end. So, if you love your kids and want to see them when you can, and watch them grow etc...hang in there.

I know it's hard. big hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
This really is a difficult time for you. I know that looking at the future is nearly impossible. But your situation will not remain the same forever. Things change. Moods change. Ending your life is a permanent solution to a possibly temporary situation. Why don't you try a hospital stay before you make any devastating decisions? If you have a therapist and/or psychiatrist, contact them. If you don't contact your primary care doctor. You can call 911, or just go to your nearest ER. A few days away from your regular life can be restful and helpful.
fibrosucks
fibrosucks
Death is death and you're not gonna be there to watch your kids grow up, give advice if they ask, be there for their weddings or the birth of your grandchildren. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem! Live to be a burr in your ex's ass and to watch your children grow up!
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
old post.
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