Ditto me. (and I don't even have a pet)

I am too preoccupied with the internet and all that surrounds it. :|

I'm terrible at advice, esp when it comes to being more social. I'm sorry. I hear you though. Can you start by hanging out for 30 mins at a local coffee shop? Or go to a play? Are you near the beach? What about a park? Lie in the grass with a good book or something? I hope something there is helpful.

Thanks guys, I appreciate your comments and will have to try some of your advice.

hi Pagan, Sorry to be late to this post. I understand in part, I am lonely too. I have become self critical since being hospitalized but I have started to learn lately - and starting to believe that I am worth being social. Does that make sense? I think sometimes having illness may tear down our self image and self esteem - and our value system.
You have always been impeccably polite and kind and supportive. I admire your sensibility a great deal! I think the way you talk/write to people is so cool. You've got a big heart! I hope that you can look at yourself through our eyes and give yourself that vote of confidence and dive in.

Now I need to take my own advice. I am going to try and go to some meetups.com and also I am going to see an old friend when i am in Seattle in June. Baby steps I know but it's a start. I hope you can give to yourself what I and all of us would want for you... your happiness and togetherness with good friends! Peace for now!! M

Mark has a good idea about the meetups; if you go There, to a particular meetup that already interests you - and then you meet someone - you have Something in common, right off :) And something to Talk about at first, too.


HUGS -

The meetups sound like a good idea, I think. But I also know how hard it is walking into a new group for the first time, which is something I'm working really hard on. (I think my anxiety around it is i live in a big city and it's so intimidating.). I do often take a sketchbook or journal or book or my iphone to a public place like a coffee shop just so I am out among people. I think I'm getting better at it all, but I understand how you're feeling, pagan. Just start slowly venturing back out there and it will get better and better.

There are book clubs at Barnes and Nobles and the library. There are the meetups already mentioned, you can be shy for 30 minutes and lots of people like shy people. You can do volunteer work in an area you already like. You can work at Target just to get you out of the house for a few hours a week. Or someplace else just to be with people and it's not personal. You can go to match.com and date some girls. Good luck! I feel you.

I have started small very small when I've been feeling lonely for too long and I've found even just going into a store and looking the cashier in the eye and maybe give a compliment to some random stranger helps me to feel a bit more connected. it may sound silly but it helps me when I'm not feeling up to full-fledged socializing. ((HUGS))

I wish I lived near you and i could call and we could hang out and cook something delicious! now that would be fun. When that portal is invented that wont be a problem anymore lol!
in the meantime as nester says even a simple chat while shopping is a start. if you view every interaction in your day as a mini relationship which has an impact on the people that you meet you'll soon find it makes a difference and you'll know names and things about people that you didn't before. just start small. Dating online is a good idea too as you get to talk to people for as long as you like before you ever have to meet if you even decide to meet at all. going to your local coffee shop regularly is a good idea too if you're up to it, bring a book and you only have to engage in chat if you want to. bring your laptop and we can chat online while you're there if need be. whatever works for you. what's fun for you? could you take your niece to the zoo or seaworld? hugs hugs and more hugs.

Hi Pagan!
I struggle with this and have struggled for a number of years too. Self loathing a big party of it. I think everyone has put forward some good ideas to connect with.

I found a bipolar support group of great help and have made many friends from it. DBSA (depression and bipolar support alliance) website can be a good resource to see if there are any groups close by. They also offer help in starting a group if you would like that and they have online groups too!

I think loneliness is a critical topic and good on you for addressing it and deciding to do something about it.

Yes, I started using Meetups and last night I went to my 1st bp support group mtg I found on the sight. On Sun. I'm going to an art group that was on Meetups.

Big hug for you sweetie... Therapy might be a good place to start working on some of the things that are holding you back... A behavioural or cognitive type of therapy

I agree that starting to talk to people online might be a good start re shyness and you could see if there are any groups your pdoc to refer you to that could start getting you out of the house and around other people...x

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to all of your responses. I must say that I am blown away at the amount of support, caring, and suggestions you all have given me. I am eternally grateful, thank you all so much for being there for me and helping me out with this. I will try some of your ideas and let you know how it turns out. Again, thank you all for being so awesome!

i'm so glad you're encouraged by some of the ideas suggested. i'm going to jump on the bandwagon and suggest the meetup groups. and i don't know where you are, but also look into NAMI and DBSA groups - DS is awesome, but it's also good to get RL support from people facing similar issues and who understand what a struggle it may be getting out and getting social. good luck!

Wow, Pagan, seems you've expressed a dilemma many of us find ourselves in, being highly sensitive and also with self doubt around others. I feel lonely often, even though I have a loving small family. For me, I think the feeling stems from a lonely childhood. I try to avoid tapping into that feeling. I once went to a cbt group for social anxiety...and found the irony of reclusive people who wanted more than anything to connect.

I like all the suggestions, especially the book club...and going to cafes. Some might be a bust, but eventually, if you put yourself out there...who knows?

Can you spend more time with friends you already have?

I'm not good at advice, either, as sadie commented. I'm with you on this, and wish you courage x