faith, i have been dealing with this crap for over 50 years, and believe me it never goes away...it always comes back....all the anger, embarrassment, and pain. the letters to those who have hurt you work, but it takes time. now may not be the time for you to be working on this project. put it away, put on some soothing music, take a walk, or a bath, hug a dog or a cat, call a friend if you have one..or just stay here and those of us who are on tonite will support you. hugs and puppy kisses

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. Unfortunately we have to deal with out past abuses but you will become free of them once you feel these uncomfortable feelings. Cry if you can, it heals.

You're in my prayers.

hello faith, emotional trauma memories are stored in the brain in a way that recalling them can retrigger the same horrible feelings.

Desensitisation therapy has worked for me. I had to write in great detail everything I could remember of a traumatic event, then read it over and over to my therapist until the pain went.

It was horrible horrible and hard at first, then I eventually got bored of it.

I can now recall that traumatic event as just something horrible that happened in my life and I no longer get the horrible feelings.

Might take you a while, and not do it all at once. I did it over several months, was supposed to read it out loud myself every day but I shied away from that.

I'm not 100% healed but I am no longer a crying ball of mess or an angry ball of fury when I remember what happened.

It's not stupid because it happened and you are entitled to feel what ever it is that you feel.

May I suggest putting off writing this letter until after the holidays?? It's already a very triggering time of year in general. And take a long walk...bundle up if it cold where you are and walk....it'll help to clear you head and burn off the negative energy that you are trying to deal with. This is what I do when I'm triggered and I hope it helps you out. ooxx

I agree with chilvr. This might not be the best time to be doing this with the lack of availability to professional help on a holiday weekend. Put it away and talk to us about it. It will help to have some feedback.

she wants it monday, and today is my day off and my girlfriend is not here so i want feel embaressed, thats the only reason im doing it today cuz im almost completly alone aside from my roomate darral hes watching v so he cant see m thak god,my chat doesnt work on here so if yall care to chat im on yahoo also under asknnie2000, or on facebook under Annie Sparks in corpus christi

Promise us you will come here and post or call a hotline before you cut or do any other harm to yourself.

OK?

im not going to kill myself i just want the pain to stop. and im too ashamed to cry or i would, and if i need i probley wont stop it just hurts to damn much.

there is no shame in crying, it can be very cleansing...also, it is useful in getting rid of those nasty emotions that we tend to sublimate and try to forget. i know how bad it can hurt, viscerally, down in your gut hurt...even that is not bad for it lets you know that you are alive and can feel...

I know that youdo not want to deal with the pain but dealing with it is the only was for you to move on and have healthy relationships. Without dealing with tthis it will comly come out here or their in your actions or words to epople and that cannot be healthy for anyone. We are all here to support you on this...

im sorry if i startled anyone tonite i just want it all to stop

crying is good for you, it releases soothing brain chemicals. that's what its designed for, to make you feel better. don't be afraid to cry somewhere private.

Hugs to you dear faith.

Memories are haunting.
bringing up a lot of bad stuff.

I would suggest ,getting on meds again?

Don't worry, faithtofly!!! You will come to terms with all those past hurts, with time and with effort.
I'm sorry that you are feeling so wretched now, especially on Christmas Eve. Even though the holidays are supposed to be the happiest of times, in truth they are often more stressful. I hope that you will be feeling better soon!!! Take good care. (((((Hugs)))))

im s ready to cave in and cut