I'm so sorry your having a rough time. I don't know your situation but. it does get better. I myself have been having a hard time and its tough when the bad days outrank the good. Just know there are people out there who care and help. even if its just a forum

I wish I did not feel like I was crumbling under emotions, reality and trying to come to acceptance with my bipolar diagnosis. And I wish that physical aloneness , was not so hard.

Big hug for you sweetie..... Are you seeing your doctor on a regular basis?.... It took me quite some time to find the right med regime and unfortunately it is trial and error..... What works for one won't necessarily work for another..... However you will find the right med/cocktail for you.... Deep breaths... When I was going through this time I saw my doc ever week or 2 weeks and it helped..... xo

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time Mandy,

Get as much support as you can, from your pdoc, tdoc and a real life support group if you have one in your area...welcome to DS a good place to work through the rough spots of BP go gentle with yourself....

I am sorry Mandy. Do you have a tdoc? Do you find her helpful? If you don't, there are several different types of therapy so maybe some other kind would be helpful. As MayB suggested, please be gentle with yourself.

I do for a little bit. Money for therapy is limited. Even with health savings account and insurance. My job has employee Assistance program. But that only covers 5 or 10. I did do that. And being gentle is new and hard for me. Thanks

Big Hugs, Mandy!

I know how powerless you feel, I've myself been there. Take solace in knowing how much support you have here on Daily Strength. Are you in counseling, seeing a psychiatrist, or perhaps expressed your feelings to your Primary Care Physician?

It can be extremely overwhelming but having others that have experienced the same thing as you can really help! If you have been prescribed meds for your depression and anxiety remember to take as directed, it's important not to skip or stop your meds as it can make problems worse.

Good luck, Mandy! Hope I've helped some.
Kathy

I am finally remember everyday to take my meds, that is a miracle. I have counseling for now, but financial resources are limiting my ability to vet more help. I have 10 free session of counseling thru my job, and I am utilizing them. I have a psychiatrists, and are her for refills and when I feel the meds need adjusting. I need to schedule a physical, but I do not use them for pysch meds. She is only a physician's assistant.

And thanks

Mandy, you need to look into local resources and see what you can avail yourself of. If you're in the US is there an MHMR or Department of Social Services you can call for an appointment. You may qualify for free or low cost psych help (regular therapy and psych consults for medication). Look into a local RL support group and try to make that a part of your routine - being with people who are also trying to establish/maintain a wellness regimen can be an immense help in motivating you to work on your own upkeep. Another thing you can do is start to learn about other people's experiences - through this community and through autobiographies - An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison, Madness by Marya Hornbacher, Haldol and Hyacinths by Melody Moezzi are a good start. There are also workbooks that can help you work through your symptoms and help you understand yourself and your disorder better - understanding can give you a sense of safety and power which is helpful to building stability - Bipolar for Dummies (yes, I know, but it's full of good info), Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, The Bipolar Handbook, New Hope for People with Bipolar Disorder (2nd ed), and The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder. I also recommend you take a look at Stephen Fry's insightful and honest documentary: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj8hqXd7N_A
Keep reaching out, take one day at a time. be gentle with yourself.