i had a terrible day. i won't go into detail but a lot of my plans fell through and i was blamed for that entirely. i was treated badly throughout the day but a part of me feels like i deserved it. maybe the words and taunts are true and i should feel like shit. the other part of me feels like i shouldn't let those words define me and i'm better than that. a part of my struggle is that fact that i feel like one person with two different mindsets. towards the end of my day, or now especially, i am feeling very down and possibly suicidal. i did cut, but that resolves nothing. hopefully my doctor will put me on medication soon. if not, i don't know how much longer i can handle this.