Oh girl I hear you on this one!!!! I've been up and down so many times. It's a constant struggle but I seem to have it basically under control now because I'm off of the "fat pills" at last than f**k!!! ALWAYS love yourself!!! You are a precious soul and a lovely woman. I'm barely 5' 3" and when I was on lithium I weighed a whopping 152 pounds. Then I got off lithium and went down to 110lbs. Now my meds are good and in August I was 115lbs...just in time for my 30th high school reunion. I am now off all of my "fat pills." But after living with my now ex bf who was a great cook I put back on 8lbs. I still look fine but I need to get back down a bit. I am a petite person so if I gain 5lbs it looks like 8lbs. Eight pounds looks like 12lbs. etc. My bf didn't mind. He loved me at all my different weights. It comes from within. The thing about weight is that it can CHANGE. So that means your self image can too. But don't give up on loving you. Loving yourself is a process to be sure but don't buy into the illusion that skinny women are happy women...it's a lie. Love all the wonderful things about you. And deal with the weight one day at a time. Good luck. I KNOW it CAN be done.

Maybe it's because I've been carrying the weight for so long, but I seem to be comfortable in it now. Most of the time, anyway.

Tomorrow I'll disagree.

I am struggling with this very badly right now. I gained 15 lbs already and I am on a diet where I eat like 500 calories. All fruits and veggies. Gaining weight makes me feel bad in itself. Zyprexa realy helps take away the intusive thoughts. I don't want to deal with that but I don't want to deal with the weight gain. For my family I am choosing to deal with the weight. It's hard, very hard. Sorry.((HUGS))

I don't think I"ve ever been at a point at which I can say "i love myself"

I've had problems with weight gain on meds too, and I'm afraid Dishevelled is right, it's bloody hard but the only answer is healthy diet and lots of exercise. I know it's the last thing you feel like most times but it's not just good for our physical health it's really important for our mental health.

Of course I say all this having not been to the gym in over a week and having been eating choclate and ice cream all week! ;) As long as it's not affecting your physical health I wouldn't worry about a few extra pounds, curvy girls have more fun!

It is so difficult to feel good about ourselves when we dont feel "attractive" physically. I have been up and down and at weights I am seriously not comfortable with. I do feel much better about myself if I know I am taking care of myself and health. When I eat healthy, exercise, take care of my skin, try to look my best, I feel so much better about myself. The most important thing I have done is to nurture myself inside and find the things I love about who I am rather than how I look. If I am happy with "ME", then I can live with my looks.....xo

Shelly's replies are brilliant, but I'm going to dive in anyway.

I've struggled with self esteem, weight and loving myself for a lifetime it seems like. I'm still in process with this issue. Sometimes I can say that I love myself and sometimes not.

Not engaging in self destructive behaviors, negative thoughts and outright self harm are all steps in the right direction.

Here are some things that I have done that have helped:

Make a list of reasons why I am "good" or "good enough". I am doing this right now with why I am a good mother.

Stop comparing myself to other women, other moms, other workers, other volunteers. Just do my best and say that that is good enough.

Find one thing each day about my body that I like.

I went through months of of looking at myself naked every day in a full length mirror, trying to gain acceptance of my body. I had a lot of issues with my body. I had gained over 100lb and was disgusted. This process was very instrumental in my process of weight loss. I have lost 105lb over 3 years. Still working away at it.

I hope this was not TMI. Working with a therapist has helped as well.

Sending you some Love!!!