Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
It is impossible to explain my circumstances in their entirety without writing a novel- so I will do my best to sum-up. (Not an easy task while in a manic episode)
I have 50% legal and physical custody of my 4 yr old daughter and full custody of my 15 yr old son. I am a single mom with very little support from family or friends. I have treatment resistant Bipolar I, rapid cycle, with psychotic features. In addition I have co-morbid anxiety disorders AND fibromyalgia. In a nutshell, EVERYTHING stresses me out- resulting in chronic pain, frustration and mood episodes. I am sensitive to light and sound- anything loud makes my skin crawl. Needless to say- my kids have become a primary trigger for me. The screeches and squeals that are adored by other parents send me over the edge. No one seems to have any solutions for me, so I figured I would ask here to see if anyone had any HELPFUL input.
I have popped every pill, I have tried alternative therapies, nothing gets my symptoms under control, except minimizing stress, spending time in nature and living a very sedate and controlled lifestyle. What I need to stay stable does not co-exist well with having kids. So what is a mother to do? My choices are stability OR motherhood. In my case, they are mutually exclusive.
I have held onto my title of "Mom" for 8 years at the expense of my health. My health has deteriorated to the point that I am not coping or functioning well. I am facing financial problems and possible homelessness. Things that used to come naturally for me have become very difficult. My Dr. keeps assuring me that having chronic illness isn't a life sentence, but she has yet to find a treatment that works to control my symptoms. Kids don't stop growing up just because mom gets sick. I can't put them on hold while I try to get my head sorted out.
So in the best interests of my children I am considering leaving the parenting up to others, since I am no longer able to cope with the stresses of motherhood. Is this the right thing to do? My son would go to my parents and my daughter would go to my ex- rather, my ex's parents, since she suffers from depression and appears to have no interest in being a parent. I have no other friends or family that could help at this time.
I have so many questions swarming around in my head like a hive of angry killer bees. Will my kids resent me? Will I ever be able to be a good mom again? Will I lose my parental rights? Please- anyone who has struggled with this kind of issue, share your wisdom of experience with me. I am at my wit's end and I need help... NOW! I can't hold out much longer and I need to make a decision. Your advise is welcome and appreciated.
I have 50% legal and physical custody of my 4 yr old daughter and full custody of my 15 yr old son. I am a single mom with very little support from family or friends. I have treatment resistant Bipolar I, rapid cycle, with psychotic features. In addition I have co-morbid anxiety disorders AND fibromyalgia. In a nutshell, EVERYTHING stresses me out- resulting in chronic pain, frustration and mood episodes. I am sensitive to light and sound- anything loud makes my skin crawl. Needless to say- my kids have become a primary trigger for me. The screeches and squeals that are adored by other parents send me over the edge. No one seems to have any solutions for me, so I figured I would ask here to see if anyone had any HELPFUL input.
I have popped every pill, I have tried alternative therapies, nothing gets my symptoms under control, except minimizing stress, spending time in nature and living a very sedate and controlled lifestyle. What I need to stay stable does not co-exist well with having kids. So what is a mother to do? My choices are stability OR motherhood. In my case, they are mutually exclusive.
I have held onto my title of "Mom" for 8 years at the expense of my health. My health has deteriorated to the point that I am not coping or functioning well. I am facing financial problems and possible homelessness. Things that used to come naturally for me have become very difficult. My Dr. keeps assuring me that having chronic illness isn't a life sentence, but she has yet to find a treatment that works to control my symptoms. Kids don't stop growing up just because mom gets sick. I can't put them on hold while I try to get my head sorted out.
So in the best interests of my children I am considering leaving the parenting up to others, since I am no longer able to cope with the stresses of motherhood. Is this the right thing to do? My son would go to my parents and my daughter would go to my ex- rather, my ex's parents, since she suffers from depression and appears to have no interest in being a parent. I have no other friends or family that could help at this time.
I have so many questions swarming around in my head like a hive of angry killer bees. Will my kids resent me? Will I ever be able to be a good mom again? Will I lose my parental rights? Please- anyone who has struggled with this kind of issue, share your wisdom of experience with me. I am at my wit's end and I need help... NOW! I can't hold out much longer and I need to make a decision. Your advise is welcome and appreciated.
The decision must be yours.
Maybe things don't have to be permanent. Maybe they could simply visit for the summer until you can get life under control.
Good luck dear,
Tamara
~Alice~
I can't tell you what to do.. this is only something you can answer.
As for me.. Well I raised two wonderful kids.. I wished they could of not seen what they had seen.. Fore I too suffered from what you have described... I was in a hurry just for them to grow up and get out of my hair.. Anything would set me into a rage..
But here it is 20 yrs later.. and I still feel guilty of what I done while they grew up.. I asked for their forgiveness... they must really love this old lady for I'm glad that I stuck it out.
There is such a thing called a repreve, where someone comes in to help you out.. like I said the decision is only yours alone.
Everything stressed me out until I got on the right antipsychotic - and there are two brand new ones out that you probably have not tried, Fanapt and Saphris. Saphris has been wonderful for me. Anti anxiety drugs are downers by definition and they make me depressed so I cannot take them. Just saying..
I had an 8-week reprieve and stayed stable for over a year. I feel like a little time off might be what I need to get well. I am still hopeful that my Dr will find a way to keep me well so that I can be a good mom again.
I guess I am just looking for affirmation that my choice is not selfish, and that it would be better for them to be away from me for a short time rather than suffer the effects of my disease and possibly be taken away from me permanently. I just want to do what's best for them.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, but don't desert your children. You should stay in regular contact with them and schedule visits even if they are short visits.
What I would be most worried about in your shoes is your 4 year old, they don't really understand things like this so much. Your 15 year old though I think will understand much more so. Have they been to therapy? This may be good for them too.