Hey there. I live with my illness by taking my meds(which I will continue till I die) going to therapy, am using the many coping skills I have learned over the last few years.

You may never be able to wean off of meds. If you were diabetic would you always need insulin? A special diet? Probably. Bipolar has no cure. You just keep pushing forward and living your life as best you can I guess. I’ve inky been diagnosed for four years, but this is what I have learned so far.

Spencer,

So, BiPolar is a lifetime Disease, it does not have a cure, just management with medications, therapy and learning coping skills/behavioral skills to manage the depression/manic/hypomanic symptoms when they flare up. Roughly 75% - 80% of Diagnosed BiPolars have to take meds for the entirety of their life to manage the disease.

I've been Bipolar for 29 years, I've been on meds every day for 29 years and I'll be on meds until the day I die. BiPolar episodes both depression and Hypomanic can be managed, it takes the right cocktail, hard work with a Therapist and learning the right coping and behavioral skills that work for you. The more ways you have to manage the BiPolar symptoms, the easier it can be to reach long term stability and be on a maintenance level.

BiPolar doesn't automatically keep you from living a regular life, once you get your symptoms to a manageable level you can work, have a stable marriage, raise kids, etc. But you have to learn and work your coping skills and behavioral skills to keep yourself from doing things like having random sex during a hypomanic episode. That's where the importance of working with a Therapist comes in.

BiPolar Disorder is a Chemical Imbalance in the brain, it doesn't just automatically fix itself. The meds you take adjust the brain chemistry and get you to a stable point. Stability is always the goal. Stopping your meds suddenly or without a Dr.'s care can make your BiPolar symptoms much worse and harder to get back under control when you start the meds again. Its also not unusual to have to change cocktails over long periods of time as the brain does get used to medications and they stop working as well.

So its very important to learn how to live your life with BiPolar everyday, just like anyone with any medical disease would live their life. The less you fight it and accept it, and start learning how to integrate all these things into everyday life....the easier it gets eventually.

Take care,
Kat

I've only lived with bipolar for a little over a year and I've went from severe mania to suicidal depression with little stability, so I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

I believe I'll be on medication for the foreseeable future. I dont want to say forever, because you never know. And I guess because I feel the pull to go off of meds myself. I'm constantly questioning whether or not I need them or if I'm on the right type of meds. Maybe with time will come acceptance. And like you, i never want to go back to those dark places.

I did horrible things, things I cant forgive myself for when i was manic, but time has healed in that aspect as well. If you havent forgiven yourself, in time you will.

I believe it's possible to live a normal life with bipolar disorder. From the outside I seem to live a very normal life, I have a husband, kids, job, pets, go on vacations, plan and attend parties and social gatherings, etc. Its on the inside that I struggle. Those closest to me know the struggle and are there when I need help. A good support network when im spiraling is one of the most beneficial things I have.

Lifestyle changes are sometimes the hardest thing to accomplish, but I've found 2 specfic things that I have changed that has helped me. One, I quit drinking. And I used to be quite the social drinker, so that's a work in progress. And two, very little caffeine. I was drinking 3 or 4 cups of coffee in the morning and it either made me hypomanic (which I'd crash from a few hours later into a shit depression) or extremely anxious. I've switched to tea and I like it!

Anyways, welcome. You've found a good place for support here and i wish you the best.

Thanks for all of the replies. I am scared of the mania, and the depression. God, is that place scary. I am going to try, and give some training on suicide prevention. I find people giving that info to be laughable as they have never been in that hole.

Will continue to take the meds. Now and then, I forget, and I am miserable for a couple of days.

I am living a somewhat normal life, but some things give away that I have a disease - my hands sometimes shake, and I have a problem when speaking aloud as I get the words jumbled up. I'm trying, but it is hard. My heart is a massive worry for me, and that is why I look anxious all the time. I am scared of going into the local military hospital, as each time I am in their ER I am admitted for two to four days in the ICU. I never want to go back there but my heart will fail again in 2-5 years. Then we start all over again. I listen for every heartbeat now.

I will be out of the military in Feb 2019, I have a therapist that will see me after till I leave this area for my retirement house (Florida). The psychiatrist will need to be replaced as he can't see me after I retire. The therapist is a bit different and can see me off-book. I work with a special community, and there are more mental health resources. I see both weekly and sometimes on Saturday when they worry about me. Also have been committed twice - involuntary for three days, and voluntary for twenty-one days.

So thank you for letting me rant. I need to get some of this out to another human.

Spencer

"How do you live with Bipolar? "

I know no other life. I wouldn't swap bipolar for a life blind, or in a wheelchair or a whole bunch of other ailments. Don't forget since your late teens you have been bipolar. It hasn't suddenly happened - you have lived with bipolar yourself.

"do you ever have any hypomanic phases? " Yes. I take extra meds as agreed with my doctors.

"Am I condemned to lifelong medication? " Well, turn the question into "Am I condemmed to live a life where I mess up my relationships (you've already mentioned having an affair), damaging my career and finances plus bouts of depression?" The answer to that is "No, you can take meds that would manage that"

The part of my condition which is unmanageable for me is the outbursts or meltdowns which seem to come upon me before I even know it. The rest of the time I could very easily convince myself I'm normal. I do have depression though and a horrible time trying to get out of bed in the morning which I don't know if it's because of my age, I am a senior, or because of my bipolar condition. Probably combination of everything though including depression and fibromyalgia.

I got my official diagnosis in 2006, prior to that it was initially depression/anxiety or insomnia treatments in college in the 90s. After my first few years of hospitalizations, rebuilding life after each episode, the crashes, other life traumas....there were points I didn’t think I’d be able to live comfortably with bipolar.

I feel much more confident about that now. I got to a good manageable place with more therapy and minimal meds. I have a prescription for ambien that I can take as needed which ensures good sleep, which I only need to take 1-2 times a week during heightened anxiety. Still need to switch up meds here and there but I have a handle on it.

I think working with NAMI and volunteering, did some presentations with help and guidance of social workers, participating in art therapy group and doing several workshops helps me stay connected to the mental health community. My current work schedules don’t allow me to incorporate those things now but I stay connected.

I know there are hiccups, an unknown variables, but developing coping skills and building relationships that truly matter are what have helped me make big breakthroughs in managing bipolar.

Best wishes.

Very good responses, so I won't add much. I have a tremor in my hands, but I find it acceptable considering what I would have to deal with if I wasn't on meds. I've been on meds for about 30 years now and will continue to take them till I die.

Thanks, everyone for the replies. Good info that I will take onboard.

My hands tremor pretty much constantly. I have a hard time typing, and my signature has changed. But, considering where I was before, I will take the tremors. I scared myself before; I lived in a pit and had no way out. I have not had any episodes of mania since my hospitalization, and I am starting to go back to things that bring me joy. So, I guess that is a good sign. I am also starting to walk again, this I could not do because of my heart surgeries.

Work has been tough. Everyone knows but say nothing. I get treated with kid gloves by everyone. I hate it. I just want to be treated like everyone else. And taking work from me does not help my mental health. I feel so worthless and inept. This is a tremendous impetus for my depression. I come to work late and leave early... because he is sick. Just freaking treat me normal. I still have the ability, and bipolar will not define me.

I hope this rant makes sense. I will probably pen a few more.

Spencer

Celineen - so what happened with the husband? I cheated a few times when I was in a Mania stage.

Thor, Celineen is a spammer. I've seen similar posts on DS. Usually they refer to the services as "ethical hacking" which is a give away because ethical hacking is something completely different - it's when your own IT specialists try to hack your own company's systems to test for vulnerabilities.

Spencer,

In regards to giving Suicide Prevention Training, I will add my additional 2 cents. My official DX 29 years ago before they categorized BiPolar into I or II was BiPolar with Severe Suicidal Depression, with 1 or 2 Manic Eps a year. I've had 5 past Suicide attemps and 5 past Inpatient Psych stays, 4 Involuntary, 1 Voluntary, the last one. I spent 3 months in the hospital, went in with absolutely no will or want to live, and after a month started ECT which I did for the next 3 months. In and Out patient. That was in 2010 and I've not had a severe Suicidal Depressive Episode since.

I used plenty of those Suicide Prevention helplines. When I worked in Mental Health, I referred many patients too them. The people that work those hotlines don't always have experience with Suicidal Depression, some have experience with family members or friends who've completed or tried Suicide. And some just want to help and go through training on the subject. They try their best, its hard to know exactly how someone is thinking when you've not walked in their shoes. But if only those of us who've tried Suicide worked hotlines and helplines...their wouldn't be many helplines for people to get help from.

I'm retired from the Mental Health field but I still volunteer with 2 key groups and I also word a Suicide Hotline several days a month. I can tell you that if you don't have your own Depression and Suicidal Ideation under control, be very careful before you decide to go down that path, because listening to others for hours tell you how much they want to die, can be extremely triggering. I have the behavioral skills to know how to compartmentalize and detach when dealing with others Mental Health issues and much of that came from years of Ph.D work in University and years of learning how to manage my BiPolar. I also know when I'm not in a place where I can do that type of volunteer work and I remove myself from it, so I'm not triggered.

Just jumping into it because your experience with it makes you think you can do it better, is not always the safest decision.

Take care,
Kat

OlderCPer - Thank you! You bring a lot of information and wisdom to the discussion. I was thinking in the context of training for those still in the military as the training is bad and just read by someone which I find laughable. I can bring a realness to that training that it lacks and maybe it can save a fellow sailor. The training is the suicide prevention class given to all military members yearly, so to deep on the mental health side. Have been thinking that if I raise my hand to help the sort of emotional event that will be. I want to use my experience to help others that might be hurting. On the chat lines, I found most to be BS and not especially helpful. The best out there was the USMC Crises line as only those that have mental health problems and have attempted suicide are allowed to man. They also have the military-to-military connection. Those in the military commit suicide as four times the national rate.

Will have to consider helping out. Can I stand the stressor of the telling or will it relinquish my soul?

Spencer

Spencer,

Ahhh, that protocol material most likely comes circa the U.S. Government and would probably take something kin to an Act of Congress to get it changed.

Have you considered volunteering at your local VA hospital when you get yourself more stable. They probably have "buddy programs" where psych patients with PTSD or Depression have volunteers that come and visit and talk with them, help motivate them, help them through similar experiences. They may have those kind of volunteer positions in group settings even. It wouldn't be as all encompassing, but it would still be helping our Service Men/Women who are fighting to get their life back.

Just a thought...

Kat

It took me about 3 years to find the right med cocktail that I felt pretty good on and didn't have side effects that I couldn't tolerate

Your hand constantly shaking is probably akathisia and I had it with a med only it was my legs... (involuntary moment) and that was a side effect I didn't think I could tolerate so I discussed it with my pdoc

Have open and honest conversations with your doctor Thor and write things down when you think of them so that you don't forget to bring them up in appts

We do have a treatable illness just not curable.....Finding coping skills and tools make a big difference along with the medication

I've been bipolar for about 30 years... Yikes!!!

Big hug.....xo