My friend is confusing me. He's so damned awkward and gives zero damns one way or the other on almost everything.

I think... I started gravitating towards impartial, apathetic people after I realized the extent of the damage done of being with so many 'extreme' type people.

But my friend's nearly TOO impartial. It's almost not possible. It's such a rare thing to see. It drew me in. But it irritates me, too. I'm afraid. I haven't wanted a male's attention or affections, however slight, in over a year probably.

I think I've realized... I will never love anyone but girls. No one could ever give me the feeling(s) that L or D did again. But I am able to like boys to a small, small degree.

With my one friend though I'm like... frustrated by his unaffectness. I don't know why I give a shit, but I do, and it's scary, because I don't know why.

My Borderline is reacting to this. I'm developing a dichotomy of tendencies already. I have an extreme and deep-seated phobia of being over-bearing, so when I think I might be, I start getting emotionally fickle and pushing them away, sometimes very, very harshly, because I alternate between wanting their attention and being repulsed by it, wanting to reject them.

I dunno. I'm love-weird. I don't make sense.

*is just venting* *venting is over, you may return to your regularly scheduled programming*