Looking back at journal entries and posts to groups, I have been dealing with my Bipolar 2 disorder for almost 10 years... which, in my book is a pretty long time.
Through all of the depression, anxiety and dark thoughts that have overcome my life i have been able to maintain dreams. Of course during my depressive episodes I am not dreaming, but when I am able to think about a future. A future that I want, but I dont tink that I can achieve. Since being diagonosed wth this disorder I have simply been treading water. I have accomplished nothing. I am almost 30 years old, still living at my mom's house, working in a semi-entry level position for a new and large corporation. I can't remember the last time I expirenced success, had the thrill of telling people what new about me or the desire to celebrate something new in life.
I spend my money on unnessesary things and don't seem to save for the future or a home of my own. My partnerships are disolved, becasue I cannot maintain them, or no not have the capacity to maintain them. I have not finished my education and really have nothing to show for the seven years I spent in higher ed. What and I doing? I used to have a job that provided mt a free apartment in the city. But, my partners, the management team pushed me into a detox and rehab program. How was I ever supposed to return to work there?
Maybe at some point I will explain all of this in my jornal, but right now I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING!!!
How am I supposed to grow, succeed? Go back to school? Get a real estate license?
I can't keep going at this pace. I feel as though I am simply wasting away...
My nearby large city had rioting this week. Police cruisers were vandalized and windows broken. Thye shut down another neighboring town due to the rioting. THis is getting closer to home than i am comfortable with.i dont usually watch the news but now I am so I can monitor the going on. I am glad I have no reason to leave the house.Everyone, please be safe
Hello All, just checking in hope all is well if everyone and feeling the light and the love. If I sound to cliche and sunshiny the dosage on meds were increased (lol) was sinking pretty fast into that oh so familiar dark place. However, I am so glad it's lifted me up! So today I will walk in light and love to the best of the capability I have now. So much going on, with the whole country unglued...