Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar II back in 2009, after I was hallucinating and having delusions so severe I ended up in a psych ward. I went away to college and got healthy but after my recent break-up with my ex-fiance, I got sick again and had to move back home. This is my fourth severe mental break down. I started having them at the age of 12 but they get worse as I get older. At 18 it was unbearable, excruciating pain that I cannot describe with words. Now at 24, I've lost it again. I think about death and violence all the time. I have persistent thoughts of taking my life that will not go away no matter what I do to distract myself from them. This is just no kind of life- I am so depressed I can barely function. Don't really see a point in even being alive anymore. my ex meant everything to me and she was the biggest reason I got well in college and now without her, I am literally right back where I was 6 years ago- crazy and suicidal. I feel hopeless and I keep thinking about eternity. We all just die in the end, which is why I don't see a point in living anymore. I know I need therapy but I lost my insurance card and there aren't a lot of counselors where I live (in the middle-of-nowhere New Jersey). I just can't take anymore of my life, I just want out! Every night I pray that God or whatever is up there will let me die. I don't want to be here but life has to go on. I have to get a job and do the normal societal BS things even though all I want to do is lay in my bed and cry. I am so down I can barely get dressed. it's like someone turned the lights out in my head. Don't know how much longer I can handle this pain.
big (((hugs))) for you
First you say that we are all going to die anyway. Well of course we are! What would be the point of life if we lived on this earth forever? Personally I would bored if I was going to live forever! We all on this earth have been given the God given life of humans. We are not animals but intelligent beings. It is up to each individual to love and grow. Sow why are you throwing your lack of love for me in my face - because I would be extremely upset if you went before your time by doing something stupid. You can get better and you will get better. I got better! I have been close to the edge on several occasions, but got through it.
I had to stand up and face myself that I love me, not despite being bp, but because of it. It was only when I faced this fact that I began to get better and learnt how to manage stability. This takes time, but we all have time until we die naturally. And what happens then? Who can say? But I do know that you can not destroy anything - you can only change its form and that goes for anything including all of us on planet earth. If you burn a match what happens? You can say if it burns right down and that it is gone. But no it hasn't. It has changed to heat and ash. and the heat just does not disappear and so the ash does not. That match has merely changed its form.
Secondly, you indicate that your life is over because you broke up from your girl friend. Sure that is real painful man and I feel for you. I broke up with my wife of 23 years after we had 2 beautiful daughters together. Man that was painful and I cried for weeks. My daughters were 18 and 14 at the time. Now they are both school teachers. One has a first class honours degree in psychology and teachers youngsters from 5 to 11, the other teaches, one on one to autistic children. They obviously inherited their intelligence from their dad, lol, and not their son of a bitch mother - who I still love dearly, but would never get back with!
I have to take Lithium every day now. And sometimes a course, normally two weeks, of Zyprexa (an anti psychotic drug). But so what? Diabetics have to take drugs every day. What is the ferkin difference? My dad, dead now, was diabetic because alcohol ruined his pancreas - the stupid sod. And he use to have a go at me for smoking joints! Ha what a prat!
Please brokenpie, get your self down to your pdoc now. Tell him how you feel. Be honest and he/she will help you. Do it for your self if not for others here who are all rooting for you.
With love, Dave - BP1 and proud of it.