so I haven't swam lPs all week cuz I just go home after work. I have been so depressed I can barely function. So I mustered up all I could emotionally.....until I had to turn around. There was a major accident. I pray for all involved!!!! So I went back the way I came and finally snaked my way back up to the road the Y. I get there and am told the pool is being used for a class. I just wanted to throw an F******** tantrum. I am in a lot of pain physically, too. My knees hurt terribly. And the fact that I haven't exercised all week doesn't help (I have arthritis in my knees). So I hobbled back to my car.

I feel so defeated. I am so depressed. I may not leave the house again until Monday am at 7:55. I just hurt mentally and physically. I'd go to the hospital but it wouldn't do me any good. My own psych said they don't do anything. I have a friend whose husband od'd and they didn't admit him They told him he would need to do Partial Hospital...but couldn't get him in for two months. Also there are only a handful of psychs in town. I don't qualify for most of them. So I'm stuck with someone who is NOT helpful and I feel makes things worse at times. I just don't know what to do. I feel like crying, screaming and breaking something. I am in pain and my regular dr refuses to help. I should just accidentally walk in front of a moving car. Speed things up a little. Knowing my luck I would be left to live in a vegetative state.