Well, its ultiminately your decision. I think you would be inviting another Mania episode if you do. My friends and family tell me all the time I should go off of meds because they like me better before. But I have tried that and was manic for years. Did a lot of damage to a lot of people. Please stay on your meds. You won't regret it.

I agree with Rachyl. I had a friend who wanted me to be clownish like I used to be, she said "let's get her high, she's funny". That's not helpful. We're not here on Earth to amuse people.

But I totally understand the lack of motivation thing. That could mean overmedication or the wrong medication. You don't have to go all or nothing; you can revisit your regimen without throwing it out.

Even though it gave me a lot of anxiety, Abilify was fairly good for me.

Also, we can't really look to the past if our illness was late onset. I don't know your history, but if you had mania later in life, maybe you just weren't sick before and now you are.

And the psychosis thing is scary; I would do a serious amount of research on the withdrawal symptoms of the drug before concluding that it was the med. (Crazymeds is a good site; I would avoid the company's site, that will downplay any negative aspects)

Definitely work with your doc and proceed with extreme caution. BP is nothing to play with, as you know.

Divine,

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!:

True story. A cousin of mine was bipolar, but back then it was called Manic Depressive. He had incredible mood swings, but lithium and other meds kept him in check. One day he changed pdocs and the new one told him to drop the meds for a while and two days later his mother found him in a pool of blood. He had slit his throat.

I am thinking about writing a post about whether I made the right choice in receiving medical help or not, as I do not believe I could drop my meds at this stage, after so many years on them.

My usual coment to those that claim they are 'stable' and believe that is a reason to drop the meds is that they are 'stable' precisely because they have taken their meds accordingly, and if they stop taking them they will suffer a dramatic swing in mood, perhaps even leading to harm.

Bipolar Disorder has no cure. That is established.

There is no remission with Bipolar Disorder, like there is with cancer. It is not like saying 'I am a recovering alcoholic' just because you have managed to stay sober. You are still an alcoholic.

After so many years taking meds for BP I do not think by dropping them you could return to being the same person you were before. You have changed. Even 'normal' people change over the years. Your meds have already made chemical alterations in your brain, which you cannot get rid of.

I would discuss this with your therapist. Do not discuss it with the pdoc as all they care about is filling you up with meds and hooking you for life, which is what may have already happened to you.

I completely understand where you're coming from. I feel like life is just passing me by and that I have no real stake in it currently. I didn't used to feel that way. I don't think it's the meds for me though because I'm on such a low dose of only 1 med. Perhaps it's not enough.

Regardless of how much I can relate, I do agree with everyone here. It's really not a good idea to just go off your meds. Maybe talk to pdoc/tdoc about it and maybe get your meds adjusted first to see if that helps.

I hope you start to feel more like yourself soon.

If its what you truly want and you feel it will make you happy, no one else needs to valid your decision but you. Not everyone needs to be medicated to be in control. Talk to your doctor and see what other treatments are out there, that doesn't involve medication if that's what you truly want.

Instead of totally going off your meds....have you considered having the doses of the meds you are on lowered and seeing how things go from there. Alot of these pdocs see us at our very worst and, I feel, are quick to write these scripts at a much higher dose than needed for long term use. These aren't sweet tarts we are taking, they are some heavy duty meds and I just think they over medicate us way to often.

Before going off the meds totally, since you mentioned psychosis, I would definitely seek out a lower dose of the meds and then see how ya feel from there.....ox

Divine,

If you are truly bipolar, and I assume there may also be other disorders involved, like SAD, GAD, OCD, BPD, etc. I do not think there is any treatment that does not include some sort of medication. You can go holistic, yoga, zen, Eastern, or whatever kind of mental exercise you may wish to get involved in they will never take the place of medication.

I know it is your choice ultimately, but frankly I believe it is the wrong choice.

Don't go off your meds. That is extremely dangerous. I understand that you would like the hypermania back without getting the full mania or lows, but you know that is not the way it works.Talk to your doc about adjusting the dose or maybe changing them. For what its worth, I like you the way you are and don't think you are boring. If you think your life is boring, then try something new to spicen things up. You don't need to change your meds to do that.

As it is.....most people on this site agree with the pdocs in the need to take meds, however, I am the opposite....The meds literally sucked the life out of me and zombified me....And the meds literally caused WAY more problems then they solved...The meds caused total jacked up sleeping patterns, and for 6 years I did not get 1 restful night sleep on them because the anti-psychs gave me nightmares that I woke up from every night, in the middle of the night...They also caused me to have heavy paranoia....and extreme anxieties, whereas, I could not sit still and would pace around like a cookoo bird....For 6 years the med parade TOTALLY fucked me up royally and now I count those years as lost time....And..wow...off the meds...life returned to me and ALL those problems stopped...now I have to pick up the pieces from that demolotion and move on with life...However...if your on anti-psychs ..you must wean off through months of time....halving the doses lower until your off, otherwise the withdrawl to the brain will re send you psychotic...

I'm pretty much the same way.. living is such a huge effort... it sounds like depression to me... and we can get stuck..
Do you think perhaps you need a med tweak?.. something that wont make you feel "zombieish".. at least that's what I think you're saying.. I recently went off of tegretol and started lamictal and it made a big difference in my energy level.. big hug of comfort for you...x

It may be dysthymia?? perhaps..x

2deepthinker,

I believe your story, though it is also possible that at times when you thought your meds were causing such horrible effects it may have just been your disorder acting up.

You cannot say that your experience exposes all pdocs to be taking advantage of us and blame the meds for making you feel so bad. There is the possibility that you were under the wrong meds or wrong dose.

I can say this because I cannot blame a single med for any negative effects, and I have been bipolar over 15 years, during which I must have tried every med in the market.

Again, you may be right when it comes to your own experience, but it does not apply to the rest of us that are stable because of the meds we take.

I've been off meds for 7 years now. Long time, right? I like the real me better too, and the meds were literally killing me.

BUT I never advice anyone to go off meds. I prayed fora long time, and God gave me the instructions to put structure back in my life, to get off prednisone which was driving me crazier, to eat well, and take Omega's, daily exercise and finding things to do to relieve stress like playing my flute. I also am working on a Master's degree, which I could never have done on the meds I was taking, because a lot of memory work is required.

The only area that is still not under control is the sleep disorder. Sleep it the thing that keeps me most sane. I got off all sleep meds about 2 1/2 years ago, and then I came down with Shingles, and the pain and itching were a nightmare. My pdoc really helped me with the Shingles, but I still have not find the right time to get off the sleep meds. Well, maybe this year coming up.

I hope that provides a different view for you.

By the way, I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering where you went. Glad to see you posting and you are a neat person. As far as "boring" is concerned either you are slightly depressed, or you just miss mild hypomania. Don't we all?

I agree with most of the others that you should talk to your pdoc about tweaking your meds. Try that first and see what happens. i was on neuontin for a couple yrs and even though it stabled me out I was like blah all the time. I couldn't cry or laugh , I just had no emotions. I'm off it now and doing a lot better on abilify and weillbutrin and buspar and klonopin.

Whatever you do - just take the time to discuss it with your docs and whomever is in your support system. I wish you well no matter what you decide.

May will be 2 years without meds. I have mentioned in other posts that it is not easy but for me it is what brought me back to my life. Do I struggle at times? Hell yes. I am walking a fine line? I suppose.

It is something I work very hard at on a daily and minute to minute basis. I rapid cycle from a high idle to higher and higher and back to that high idle.

Will I always be med free? I can't say and some days I do ponder if I was better on them. Then I remember the detatchment and zombie state I was in and will take every minute "feeling" my kids hugging and enjoying the laughter and so on. Living as opposed to being a spectator in life.

Many will disagree with my choice but the wonderful thing is it's my choice and as long as I keep myself in check than good for me. If for some reason I just can't manage I will do what I have to do. BP is not my only disorder I have to contend with and I am a work in progress. Everyone here has many valid points and I have nothing but respect for whatever their treatments are-

Take care.