so I finally got to see a psychiatrist to get new meds started after waiting since April, also got lucky because it was a last minute cancellation appoitment, I would have had to wait until December otherwise. Anyways. This guy wanted to focus on my childhood. So we talk about how I grew up, which I mean wasn't the worst but it wasn't a nurturing or supportive environment. Without going into all the details, he thinks that even with the right med combo I will still be depressed and have emotion issues and be in turmoil because of how I grew up, I apparently didn't learn appropriate emotional responses or how to properly deal with stresses or events or how to vent. So like a whole bunch of things. So I apparently need to undo all of that before I can regain control of my life. 

So the good part, I got new med suggestions and well it's good to know what I wrong with me. I'm bipolar 2 with a crap ton of emotional issues. 

The not so good part, the months of talking about my childhood and the fact that I'm in turmoil because of me. Not because of my illness. Yeah it doesn't help but if I could cope it wouldn't be so bad. Not that I blame my illness for everything but I have thought my troubles with relationships or university or whatever is a bipolar side effect but really it's me. 

I don't know how I feel about this new assessment. I thought I was done dealing with my childhood but you can't run away from your past apparently.