Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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HannaHana 07/02/2011

yeah, I'm there. It's not a question of how. i know exactly what I would do. But is there time in between ideation, decision and action?

I'm very impulsive....and I very much want to die. But at the same time, I don't want to die.

I have my 2 children, whom I'm sure love me very much somewhere deep inside of them. But I don't know how much more shit I can take.

At what point do I go to the hospital? Last time I went to the ER and said I was suicidal they told me there was not a single bed in the state and then they discharged me. Luckily my Mother came to stay with me and watched me.

I'm kinda praying for a major accident to happen to me. A car accident, a masked murderer...anything.

Help?

deleted_user 07/02/2011

Not knowing you well, Hanna, I would say at Least call your doctor and try to get an appointment; if not, going to the ER doesn't sound like a bad idea if you are as far as knowing Exactly what you would do, and there are your children to think about. :(

How long have you been feeling This way? *hugggs*

deleted_user 07/02/2011

for me, luckily, there was time between ideation and action. that is the time i went for my in-patient stays. i'm so sorry they didn't have a bed for you...but you did the right thing. you can try to go again, and keep trying until they admit you.
i'm sorry you're feeling so awful. is it possible your mom could visit again to help you keep safe? someone else you trust?

HannaHana 07/02/2011

my pdoc's office is closed on the weekend...with no doc on call. They tell me to call Crisis Intervention....but what the hell are they going to do?

I very much think that I need to go to the hospital for a "break" in a safe environment but after my last rejection of the idea, I hate to waste my time.

I've been feeling this bad for the past 2 days.

deleted_user 07/02/2011

I hope the last incident with the hospital was not indicative of a trend...*sigh* Bless you, Hanna, I wish I had a magic wand. (a Lot)

Mojo mentioned your mom - is that an option?

CarlaBent 07/02/2011

"But is there time in between ideation, decision and action?"

Gee. That might be a very individual thing.

You're skirting too close to the edge to take NO action though, since you say you're the impulsive type. Or so it seems to me. I'm glad to see that you're at least aware of where you are right now.

Is mom an option?! If you'd rather be in the hospital, could you at least have your mom go with you, so that if they turn you away, you're not on your own?

I suppose you're going to have to wait until Tuesday to try to at least talk to your Pdoc? (That's rather pissy of them to not have an on call professional in place at all times!!!)

Yeah, I hope you try to take some healthy action now, before this goes any further. Good luck, Sweetie. (((((Hugs)))))

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