The past haunts me every day, but like the ghosts they are, with a little time they disappear and go back to wherever it is they go till the next time. And each next time I'm a little stronger than the time before because with the words of support from the friends here I know that I always have a place to turn and let it out. You have taken the first step back up from falling, you've reached out and asked for understanding and to not be alone. I am here and will talk as long as you want and I know I will not be the only one. If you don't feel secure with me or other members of DS always remember help is always that one phone call away.

Thank you, you had me come to some realizations. The first step IS asking for help... Just when it hits, it feels like its NEVER going to end...almost unbearable, I am trying but it hurts. I think I may call a crisis line, but I don't want them to put me inpatient...

Don't think of it as if the call itself is already a step towards going inpatient, just think of it as a real live human being that you can sound off whatever it is that is going thru your mind, if ya'll reach that conclusion together so be it. But it can't hurt to at least talk, I know sometimes my thoughts get ahead of my ability to type on a keyboard and I just need to pour it out verbally (thank God for my therapist). I'm going to add you as a friend and if you want to chat we can, just please let me know how you are whatever you decide is best for you! And you already said it the hardest part is feeling like its never going to end, but you and I both know it will. United we stand, divided we fall.

someone told me this once and it made a lot of sense- "The past is the past, The future is the future and the present is a gift so live for the moment" the more I played it in my mind I didn't beat myself up with bad things from the past and the guilt and the what if's of the future. We all have a lot to live for and if anything it makes us a lot stronger than anyone when we achieve happiness and our goals because we went through a ton of BS to get there. But trust me we will all get there, it might just take a bit more effort to get where we need to be.

I've been the same way.

I had a miracle the other day.

An 18yo. kid said he would help me with my house for FREE!

My neighbor just told me he would deliver me some dirt for free.

I'm still going into the hospital for the first time hopefully within the next few days.

It is just time for me.

Hope things improve.

T

My last serious mental breakdown I was experiencing a lot of flashbacks. It took until I saw my old therapist until they started calming down. She was the first to ever tell me to not be afraid of them. Which is hard to do, because they are so vivid and real and intrusive.

She told me this, that I am having flashbacks again for a reason. Something in my mind is trying to tell me something. Like deciphering dreams, I had to try to figure out what part of me was trying to bring to the forefront.

We talked about the connections between what I was having flashbacks to to the present and what the parrallels could be.

And now looking back, I can say it made sense. My flashbacks were warning me about the relationship I was in. That it was unhealthy, abusive and I had to get out.

I dont want to make this about me. My point is though, dont be afraid of what you are experiencing. There is a reason it is happening, and although it is by no means a fun experience, you can pull through this.

Dont be afraid to ask for help. We all need help sooner or later, and if you dont ask, rarely if ever will you receive.

It sounds as though you need some Trauma based therapy...such as Deep Feeling Therapy or Primal Therapy...to help alleviate the unconscious issues that cause you conscious pain.

Pain is the key and emotional feeding is important to your survival.

A lot of people have been cut into by the trauma of abuse. I'm sorry to see you hurting and struggling.