Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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XForTheLoveOFX 01/07/2008

is it just me or does this go through everyone else's mind constantly? I usually shake it off and focus on something good or tell myself that its ok , because i don't want to burden everyone else with my death. Its ok to think about as long as you don't act right? not just me there?? I feel like i'm starting to accept that im gonna go young , I really don't wanna think this way but it hurts so much more to get up and be alive then the one time pain of dying could possibly feel. Not that I'm gonna do it-i just seem to find myself thinking about it a lot lately and it kind of worries me. 'm sorry i'm ranting on here, i really don't have anyon to talk to and i don't want to go to the hospital b/c im sure this time tomorrow ill probably have a different perspective on things but its the now that hurts so bad. I wanna shut my eyes and let forever take me away.

XForTheLoveOFX 01/07/2008

this thinking has gotten me into trouble too. i was a cutter for a very long time, finally gave it up , but its not to say i haven't had ventures to the hospital. the trickiest part of all this is that nothing happened to make me feel this way , i just do. its an on and off thing. i wonder what triggers it.

deleted_user 01/07/2008

I have thoughts of suicide when I am happy. They happiest moments of my life, they are there. However they are different than the ones that come from when I am depressed or stressed.

It is also summed up in this quote

"Death is the next greatest adventure"

I think about what's after life, what happens when we die, what's it like, I want to expereince it.

Either way, if you cant tell the difference tell your therapist.

deleted_user 01/07/2008

I tried my best once, but alcohol saved me. I was so drunk, I passed out in between taking a heap of sleeping pills. Here's to five beers and two small bottles of wine! (I don't weight even a buck, so I was smashed!)

deleted_user 01/07/2008

Only when things dont go my way then I throgh a pitty party and get overmyself.

deleted_user 01/07/2008

Suicidal ideation has, for a long time, been a major release for me. Sometimes, just the idea of the option is soothing to me. Weird but true.

deleted_user 01/07/2008

I think of suicide every couple of years and always think that I will die young but none of us know, and we as BP's tend to see the glass half empty or all empty, so that is a normal thought to have, just don't dwell on it.

Pulpit 01/08/2008

I've had 2 trials with bp that I thought about suicide. One last year and one last week. I never thought about it before. Now it just seems to be in my mind.

deleted_user 01/08/2008

I think about it daily. I fantasise about it and how things would pan out for my family and friends. I have tried a few times but always failed so I guess I just didn't want to die badly enough. At the moment my children usually stop my thoughts from becoming actions.

dobiedots 01/08/2008

No. I only think about it when I'm very depressed.

deleted_user 01/08/2008

I lost my first cousin to suicide before he was thirty. I cannot tell you how much I wish we had had him with us all these years.

And being a bit selfish, he is someone who could have helped me, been a dear friend. I was robbed of that.

Having him with us would have made life more meaningful.

Suicide is never the answer. There is so much in life that is not painful, even through the pain.

So much beauty and possibilities!

Love,
Eve

deleted_user 01/08/2008

i think about it a lot. it crosses my mind everyday.
i have my plan. i have everything worked out as to who will find me. i don't want my family to find me. so i have all that worked out. if and when it happens it will probably be a spur of the moment kinda thing. that's how it was before. obviously i failed the first time. it will be over in a matter of seconds and i will be found minutes afterward so i have to make sure i do it right the first time. i have no doubt i will.

deleted_user 01/08/2008

There are passive suicidal thoughts and active suicidal thoughts. Passive is when you think about it and you really just want the pain to go away. Active is when you are plotting your death. But, passive can turn into active so be sure to tell your doctor asap. I'll pray for you.

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