I am in this deep dark hole that I cant seem to get out. My appt with the doc finally came and she said I am in a bipolar depression episode and prob have been for a few months with its getting worse every day. It all started when she changed my meds to lithium and it wasnt workin. Found out my levels were really low so she kept raising it til I came in the other day and was crying and sobbing bout the way I feel. So now shes got me on a new drug and getting off the lithium. She suggested I go to Providence Behavioral Health for the wk so they can monitor me more closely. I am so sad Im crying so much even during commercials. I don't cry round my kids tho cuz I don't want them to worry so its mostly when they at their dads house for the wk or when kids in bed. The other day I had bad thoughts of not wanting to fight this anymore and wanting to take a bunch of my pills, which made me have a bad anxiety attack cuz it scared me. I just thought bout my kids and it helped get rid of those terrible thoughts. I have nobody for support just my kids. I feel so alone and hopeless and helpless. I am seeing a councelor weekly for a month now and I almost wonder if its caused this episode I am in or made it worse by talking bout stuff I have stuffed for years. I am just waiting for Monday to come so I can get that referral for hospital. I hate my life.