I'm really feeling terribe now. I few days ago a caught my son's cold and my monthly visitor arrived on the same day. Yuck. Yesterday his grandma, who we live with, we to get a mass around her ovary scanned to see if it's cancerous or not. I'm very worried. I lost my husband to cancer less that 3 years ago to cancer. It's a huge trigger for me.

Another trigger for me is the thought of moving again. I planned on moving but rents are so high and I am in the financial gray area so I'm a little over qualified to for low income housing now.
I don't want to have to do almost all the packing myself like last time. I want to keep my son in the same school until he graduates in June. Then we can move to a cheaper area.

I can't handle stress anymore. I can't work and on disability because of it. I feel because of what I have gone through my bipolar is getting worse. Many things send me into depression. I feel like I don't have any security, that it's just me against the world.

I wish I could work again and to be able to handle things better. I know I can't go back to being the old me. I feel like a failure and a lazy idiot. I feel iike some pile of junk person.