I have sure enough heard that in my own therapy, said in about a kajillion different ways. It gets confusing. Do I deal with my repressed issues or declare them past and obsolete? Do I worry about paying rent next month or assume my bank account will fill itself on the next "Oh-h-h-hm?"

I shoot for balance in all things. Past, present and future are a mysterious weave. The past is what I have to work with. The present is when I have to work with. Tomorrow is the hope I work toward. Just hoping. . .

Dunno. . . Just guessing. For sure it is puzzling stuff.

I think it's good to have a PLAN for present and future and include things in the past that have turned out for the good.
To develop a PLAN we need to set goals and these don't need to be complicated. They can be financial, personal/relationship oriented or whatever we choose but we have to choose whatever it is that well contribute to our survival.

kisses the problem with living in the present is that the future becomes the present and if there's no plan, then you get anxiety having to cope with was once the future but is now the present .... In your case, a decision to move possibly with a roommate(s) to share expenses .... Budget to achieve this .....doing everything you can to stay healthy physically and mentally to start with.... if you plan, then you are in control otherwise you are reacting to what happens in life... I hope you find balance ((hugs)) polar

Sometimes when I start to think about the future a flood of anxiety comes in.. a lot of fear and then anxiousness about making the first step..it can be exhausting. I am trying to hold on to a sense of human dignity about life in the face of my deficits and the issues in my life. I like "TOMMYMOTT"s idea for a PLAN.
It's really good advice. It doesn't need to be complicated but we need to focus on survival definitely.

Well I'm definitely not moving out. I like the comfort and security of living at home and I have attachment issues with my mom. I really want to achieve financial security. I don't make enough to even consider sharing rent and don't like people so roommates is a no go. I want to get rid of my payday loans. That's my only goal right now.

I too have struggled with thinking into the future...as far as my past...well I can't do anything about it...just try not to repeat same mistakes. I've Made Plenty. When I think into the future too much I become So Overwhelmed, like you I get depressed and really fearful. So now step into dbt, I do try to use the skills every time I go into that fear mode or I'm not good enough mode. It is scary to step out and take risks...like I tell my son, if you don't take risks your not living your life...just existing and it's ok to make mistakes that's how you learn...I'm 64 and I still have to say to myself it's ok to make mistakes! Like Arfie I just try really hard not to give up, have faith I'll find my way with the hope for a better tomorrow.

Ice cream works for me. :) Though today I was good and came here instead. So, safe and secure at home. I'm thinking your not being charged rent. If everyones ok with this arrangement then why change right now? No scents adding stress if it can be avoided. Your making some money. And you want to pay off loans. I'm thinking, good goal. If there is nothing overly pressing down on you, that is forcing you to make immediate changes, than I'd say coast awhile. rediscover yourself. Maybe find a new interest. I beyond need a new life, but terrified of what will happen to me once the divorce process starts. I have and got the world of of mental issues thrown at me, and it's hard to think about making any plans till I know where I'm going to stand. In the mean time, I have been working on getting me and my brain back together while slowly getting myself back out into the world. I started by doing something with one friend once a week. Did that until I felt I could add something else, and so on. I now have 3days in the week that I spend 2-3hrs with a friend. One helps me garden, one I exercise with, and one I play with clay with. One day is for therapy, Wednesday and weekends I rest. :) I have a goal of being able to handle life as it comes along at me. I don't know what your going through or what kind of future you'd like for yourself, but yes set a goal or two/three, and then make a plan as to how your going to achieve those goals. You have one already, you want to pay off your loans. Your living at home, so that saves you money, leaving you more for your loan. I'm just telling myself now, (duh) and I think someone else said this, don't plan to far out a head of yourself. I think I'll start one month goals. That sounds do able. What do I want to, see done or achieve one month from now. And try not to add in all the what ifs. So I guess we have to figure out what we want before going there. (need to put the target up first before we can aim, fire and hit) Hang in there. You are a worthwhile person that right now needs a hug. :)

This is where it gets dicey to offer advice to your posts because you think we're being judgemental or picking on you....but we're not.

The fact is, there is a natural order to the way a person's life should work. Your born, you grown and your parents teach you the things you need to know to live in the real world, i.e. right from wrong, how to treat others, manners, how to take care of your personal needs, how to take care of a home, etc. Then a person would normally go off to a college at 18 or so or get a job and move out.

You have reasons for not wanting to move out and you've made it clear that you aren't going to move out anytime in the near future. So thinking about the future doesn't really make sense for you, as your future is not going to change. You seem to be okay with your mom controlling every thing and you living at home as an adult, yet not being treated like an adult. You seem to be okay taking no steps toward gaining independence or freedom from the strife and stress that you so often tell us your home is.

So whats the point of looking to the future. For you just being in the moment seems like the better idea, because to look to the future and make plans for the next phase of your life would mean gaining independence and moving out, learning to take care of yourself on your one....and you've made it perfectly clear that, it's not what you want.

Oldcper you have done good points. But I need to correct you on some things. My parents do not control me. I do chores at home because I am part of the household. I pay my own bills. I can come and go as I please but they insist on knowing where I'm going and with who. I do t have a problem with that name cause they care for me. I do want Independence but I feel I am not ready for it. And the idea that I "should" be on my own is a matter of opinion. Many people stay at home Until they marry so I don't feel like the odd person out.
You've been making your opinion very clear about what MY life "should" be like and henceforth I'd liked you to keep that opinion to yourself, please and thank you

there are misperceptions happening here - sometimes we can come across as judgemental and not mean to be at all. everyone's path is different. Kisses you can be independent and still live at home and you seem to be working towards that, you now have control of your own meds, paying your bills and are buying some of your own stuff. rome was not built in a day. these are good things Your parents cannot insist on knowing anything about your life but as you share a living space it is a courtesy to let them know of your movements so they'll know if you'll be there for meals etc. respect has to be a mutual thing though between adults sharing space with an adult arrangement about who does what even if it means putting a rota up on a board in the kitchen or on the fridge so that everyone is on the same page and nobody 'tells' anyone to do anything. you all work together to keep a mutual living space harmonious. I am so proud of how far you have come during the last few years. keep your head up and don't be afraid to look to the future you have been working to create, all those baby steps have been making a continuous path going forward. You went on that trip away recently and made it through. kudos to you. as you said, you have attachment issues with your mom, you sorted the med problem - one step - a success, there can be many more with the help of your therapist and all of us here, we are all on your side, believe that if you believe nothing else. a sackful of big fat hugs to you. I still remember your delight that first summer you wore a pair of shorts - remember that victory and the others in between and savour each one. you are worth it.

kisses oldercper is making an observation she's not judging you ... she made that clear in the heading of her post .... it's great if your ok living with your parents and yes many your age do ... but having lived much longer we have experienced loss ... my parents have passed ... It's preparing yourself in the present for your future... the what ifs of life.... what happens when mom and dad are not an option ? can you live with a sibling ? or maybe rent a room in someone's home ? it's not judgement by any of us - it's looking into the crystal ball of the future and knowing that change is inevitable ... no one has control and the best thing any of us can do is plan ... you are so fortunate to have the support of your parents .... you still have time to dream but at some point you will be facing their mortality... I was 42 when my dad died 44 when my mom died but I left home at 18 so I had no dependence on them but their deaths affected me mentally as my divorce happened shortly before so I had a breakdown from all the stress.... you need to realize no one is judging your choices but are only wanting to speak into your life so your road is an easier one because you had a plan and were not taken off guard by circumstance ((hugs)) polar

It's not just my thread here, I've noticed this particular person has been very judgmental of others here too recently and it's pushing me off. I appreciate everyone chiming in and offering words of advice. I have so many friends here and I treasure you all dearly. Remember, it's not just what you say, but how you say it

Polar, I appreciate the support but it's okay.

@Kisses2016 your thought that I'm forming negative opinions of you is so far off reality it's in another state of being. You know what my thoughts for you are? There the same multiple times a day, because you now occupy a space in my head and they are, "God forbid, what the hell is going to happen to that girl should something happen to her parents." So I'm not sure that is negative I know it's not judgemental, to me its more of a worry, but hey no biggey, there are very few here that are actually capable of hurting my feelings, I can find someone else to be concerned for. I've been doing this for for longer than you've been alive, I know when I chose to be more aggressive than not....and aggressive and judgemental are 2 different things.

Per your request I will not read, reply or suggest anything to do with you or your Threads or Post from this point on. Good luck with your living situation, I truly wish you well in your life.

kat