I'm glad that you had such a good orientation and that you've made so many positive changes..

You Go Girl..... I know that this isn't easy but it will be so worth while....

Stuff is just stuff... It can all be replaced given a little time... You can't be.... I think that you've made the right choices..... Big hug...xo

You have done so well under such difficult circumstances. I will pray for the meds to work and the new job to go well.

Thank you ladies. I'm starting Monday!!!!

Hang in there. You are doing great!

You are doing so well. Best of luck with your new start. I am so happy things are getting better and better for you. You have been so lucky to have been able to make this new life for yourself in comfort.
The things you chose to leave behind are just things and I have no doubt you will be able to replace everything important in time.
I still think that you could do the kind thing and send him his photos. So long as you do it safely it will not do anything but bring you good karma.
I too hope the med tweak kicks in. Suicidal ideation is a horrible shadow to have to live beside so with luck you will find some ease.

By the way there is a site called 'freecycle.com' where you can get many things for free. Just google and see what is available in your area. You may be able to get the things you need. The things you want can wait for now.

Right now you can get on with the business of living a lovely new life with a new job and do plenty of self care and give yourself credit for all you have put into getting to this point.
Hugs

Congratulations on the new job and on finding the strength and bravery to make really hard, really necessary changes. I wish you well on your continuing journey to happiness and a good life.

So how's the job going?

I start Monday

ladybug ~ I am soo proud of all the remarkable progress you have made. I understand just the momentous amount of energy you are expending right now, especially facing a new job.

Everything you went thru is just, remarkable. Now you have gained the ranks of a survivor and now onto thriving. This is all coming from one who went thru something very similar to what you are going thru. YOU MADE IT !! Doing the happy happy dance for YOU and throwing confetti all over your new home *smiles*. Welcome to your new life !!!

Did you by chance go to the post office to get a "secret post office box" yet? What can happen for the first 5 years, is that any mail sent to you from your spouse can be returned right back to him with your new address on it. As long as he writes "Return address requested" on the front of the envelope, the Post Office is obligated to return it to him along with your new address. Your change of address will remain secret if you open this "secret post office box". I know it's inconvenient to go to the post office to get your mail, but this one step will help keep you safer. Here are a few links that may help you:
https://victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/past-programs/stalking-resource-center/help-for-victims/address-confidentiality-programs

Also, call your local domestic violence women's shelter to see if they can refer you to a domestic violence counselor. You have done all the hard work for now, so try to polish it off and a DV counselor will know just how to counsel you. Once you are under the wing of a DV counselor or even attend the shelter for support groups, that in of itself will open alot more doors for you.

Remember that you are expending alot of energy right now, so it's time to pamper yourself. I found right after I moved, I would gather myself up on my bed, spread a quilt over me and my cat would join me and kneed the quilt and I would slip away into a wonderful nap. I took long walks in nature as nature can be soo very healing. Do you have a balcony? I did alot of gardening on my balcony.

Also, did you change the license plates on your car too?Your address with the division of motor vehicles can be that secret post office, same with your tax returns.

If you plan to vote, your new address or even former address is open to the public. Your spouse could request your address. So, be sure to notify your election prescient to ask for a non-disclosed address.

I put a secret question on all my bank accounts and anything else that my spouse may be able to access, such as new utilities, phone, etc. And do a third party verification on all bank accounts, etc where to open the account online it has to go to either your cell (which I recommend) or an email account.

Be sure to vary your route to work and be aware if anyone is following you. When you put your car into park, before you get out of your car, sit for a few moments and look around for any signs of your spouse or anything out of the ordinary, and remember to trust your gut instincts. Wait for a group of people walking in and try to join, remember safety in numbers. Getting in and out of a car can leave one vulnerable. Do you carry Mace on your key chain? Once out of the car, stand by your door, with it partially open and look around again and walk swiftly to the front door of your building. Upon leaving work, before you step off the curb into the parking lot, pause and look around. As you are approaching your car try to look underneath your car, behind the wheels of your car for any nails strategically positioned, or any changes to your car. I had to have the locks on my car changed. I came out to my car one day and found all the doors of my car open and lots of damage to my engine.

My spouse sent in joint tax returns and did not sign my name to the form. He was hoping the IRS would return the form to him with my new address. The only way I knew this was that I had contacted the IRS to notify them that Ihad separated and would be filing Separate but Married. The IRS send me the return my spouse filled out to verify if this was true and fact. Here is a link to read from the IRS for help with filing under your situation: https://www.irs.gov/newsroom/taxpayers-who-are-victims-of-domestic-abuse-should-know-their-rights

Do you have a Separation Agreement done now? Do you have a lawyer? The Domestic Violence Women's Shelter should have their own attorney free of charge for anything you need while you resid there or are attending DV support groups.

Is your front door visible from the street? There are several free security devices that can record who comes to your front door. I think one is called Ring. There are several on the market you can look into.

Put a freeze on the three repositories (Equifax, Experian and TransUnion). Once that is done, request a copy of your credit report, not the one what gives you a scoring, but one that you need just to see if anyone has opened an account. I would check this randomly.

There is alot more information I could give you but don't want to overwhelm you. Also, be sure that your phone number is unlisted. I eventually changed my last name too. Keep writing and let us know how your new day goes for you at work. Keep on keeping on !!

One more thing, buy timers for your light fixtures to go on and off at different times and keep a radio going or your TV on while you are away. Keep your blinds closed when you are away and check the locks to windows and patio doors before you leave for the day.

Novembergirl,this is very overwhelming information. My ex and were never marriied. I informed 3 lady neighbors that kindly introduced themselves to me. I didn't give them too many details but at least described his cars. My apartment building has weak secuitry door. The building is uber old. I'm on 2nd Floor. I have done all I can I spent lots of money on a security door bar. I have a large wood block for my patio. I'm struggling to secure my window. But I came up with something. I'm not getting a P.O. Box its to much effort. He hasn't texted since 11/7. My gps is back on. I can't live my life running. I'm getting a new phone new number. I'm emotionally rundown. I don't feel my ex is out for me it will be 3 months 12/23 that I moved out. I'm always so tired and nodding off. I'm burnt out. I'm trying my best. Right now I have I mace gun tasers and plan to get more tasers. I need pepper spray and I need a rape alarm for my keychain. There is no privacy in this building so all can be heard. Your freaking me out. Do you have any suggestions on a good window bar?. I never open my blinds. I'm considering not even going on the patio this summer. But there is this neighbor that created a bit of privacy that I want to mimic, Changing my plates is this necessary. I'm buggin out!!!!!!! He had one letter he wrote send to correct address. Then when I moved he wrote me a 22 page letter and had it forwarded to me by addressing it to our address. I know you not trying to scare me but I'm buggin....

Congratulations on the new job. Good for you for leaving him, but sorry he has all your stuff. Sorry you are dealing with suicidal thoughts, I'm dealing with those too lately so I feel ya. Hope all gets better soon and your meds help.

Ladybugs,being scared is good, you don't get complacent. Your safety is paramount. You said this man could wait a year to act. please turn off your gps. you do not need it. You have been incredibly fortunate to date with getting so much of your stuff when you left because you caught him by surprise. many people have to leave with nothing. You are one of the lucky ones so you need to keep it that way and take every effort to maintain your safety. No, it is not fun to have to use a P.O. box but often it is an absolute necessity. You are worth the effort and resulting peace of mind. There is no need to be scared when you have taken all the necessary precautions to maintain your wonderful new life. You are doing so well, don't let anything ruin this for you.
It is good that your pdoc has introduced a med change. Hopefully it will give you the boost you need to start your new job with a clear heart and mind. I hope nobody at your last job knows where your new one is so that he cannot trace you that way.
Monetary value of 'things' is not important but your life is beyond measure. Please be safe. Hugs and I hope you can start to look forward instead of backward when you start your new job tomorrow. Best of luck with it.

I hear you ladies but I'm not getting a new license plate. I need my GPS for directions. I'm emotionally tired. I got a new phone new number. Ex coworkers don't know about my new job. I have no social media. If he really wanted to get me he'll find away. I'm tired. I'm not buying light timers. I'm not paying to get new plates. My new phone has new GPS. He doesn't have my passwords and I don't see how he can request my address. I've updated all my mail. He was more verbal.

I think you've done fine, that's a lot of strong advice and probably more geared toward people who were heavily physically abused or in more dire situations. In the U.S. P.O Boxes are not kept private, unfortunately and you can find out people's DMV information with very little personal info online rather quickly. So changing plates is kind of impractical. You've put yourself in a very safe place, in very safe ways, by very practical means. You've gotten counseled and you're maintaining your life.

Now its time to focus on you and your new job and just getting on with your life. Build up your emotional strength and not keep interrupting it by doing new things, unless necessary. Once you get settled at work maybe finding a "self-care" group or activity to do for you.

I hope tomorrow goes well and you enjoy your first day!!! Let us know how it goes, maybe in a new post.

Take care!!!