Many times I have formulated a " Letter" in my mind.

Thinking on such things is a sign that you probably need to talk to your Pdoc, or at least a Crisis Team.

Phone numbers for a Crisis Team , can be found on the Main Discussion Page ...scroll down to the very bottom

hugs

hi, I'm glad you posted here.

I think I read you are having problems in your relationship with your wife and I think I've experienced similar feelings to you in the past with a previous marriage.

I hope you can reach out - maybe a medication change would help - something to give you a little help in dealing with the difficult situation you are in.

I know how deeply upsetting troubled relationships are - how they can make you feel worthless and uneasy in yourself - but things change and I hope you will find happiness.

In the meantime, please hold on.

I've felt that way, too. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin many times. My nerves get jangled and feel terrible.
hugs

Know the territory well I'm sorry to say...

Can you get an emergency pdoc visit for a medication tweak?

Glad you came here and are reaching out it's a tough time of year for sure. ((((( hugs))))

I never experienced what you're going through so I can't exactly empathize. What I mean your specific circumstances ie your past relationship with your wife. There's been past experiences where I felt I was to put it politely a subhuman piece of slime. I do sympathize.
I'd say reach out to someone close to you and able, willing to help. I'd like to help. I do think you need someone closer to you.

All I can tell you is remember that this is the Bipolar talking. It's meant to make us feel useless and miserable and worth nobody else's time/space. That's what it likes to do and it's a damn parasite. try to remember that this is not actually who you are- you are worth so much more than you currently believe. This is the damn Bipolar depression talking and making you feel that way. Stay strong- this too shall pass.