Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Somedays, I'm not sure it's worth it.

Myzshele
Myzshele
I've been medicated almost every day of my life for the past ten years. Every time I try a new medication, it works for a few months... I'm stable, I'm in control... I'm "normal". And then my symptoms come back... with a vengeance. Whats the point in living if all I'm really doing is stifling everything in me with medicine and waiting for the day the crushing weight of all that pain will come back? I'm living in fear of my own mind. This isn't a life...
tommymott
tommymott
I agree that it often looks bleak. But the times when you do feel normal should give you the hope and energy to keep trying.
You're right, it's not good to live in fear so substitute hope for the fear and stifle the pain. I don't know if it will fit your life but I often think that it could be much worse. Somehow that helps me. Don't give up on yourself!
Myzshele
Myzshele
I appreciate your words. And when I'm good, I am so able to think like that and be positive. But right now, when I'm in the middle of a depression that won't seem to end... I just want to crawl into bed and say that life shouldn't be this much work. I'm certain there are people that life just comes easily to. And I know how childish this sounds, but for once, I would just like to be one of those shiny happy people, instead of constantly having to learn from all the trials and tribulations in my life.
jfulk
jfulk
Last month, I was exactly where you are now. It is SO tough. If you're a spiritual person, look to God. You have this illness as a part of His divine plan. You are living out His plan for you. It's difficult, but it's the cross you are meant to bare. Just hang on for the ride and you will soon cycle again and things will seem right. You just have to learn how to deal with the bad times.

When I cycle again, I'm sure I'll be saying the same things you are and perhaps you'll be at a place where you can talk some sense into me. :) God bless you.
Myzshele
Myzshele
Thank you so much for your kind words. I've never been a very religious person, and its because of the hardships I've dealt with in my life that make it so difficult to believe in a God. I believe in mother nature, the energy we get from the earth and life and myself, my own strength. But having other people to support me does make it a little easier to get up each day. And I'll be here when you cycle to talk whatever sense I can into you. :-)