I understand that you're depressed right now. I'm actually pretty depressed too, at the moment. I've been exactly where you are, stuck in such inner torture, that you don't feel anything is really worth it. I can but offer one piece of advice.

When I've been where you are, there is always one thing that kept me going, even in the darkest of times. For me, it's my mother. She's got Bipolar Disorder too, even worse than mine. Every time I think of suicide, or anything even close to it, I think of my mom. She would be a complete wreck without me, and I know deep in my heart, that if I died, she would be soon to follow. And I can't live (or die as the case may be) with that.

We all have something, that one little thing, that we hold on to. We think "They will be better off without me." when the ultimate truth is, no. No they won't. It may seem like no one seems to care, but that may be your eyes seeing that, and not the way it really is.

Just know that I care, and that emptiness is just a void, waiting to be filled with love and joy.

Hi I know what its like to feel tortured inside. Having people that love you seems like that should be enough to make everything ok but when you have this monster inside that is always dragging you down even their love cant always pull you back up. It so often seems like death would be the best answer not only to relieve us from our pain but to rid our loved ones of the burden we feel we have become to them. I wanted to kill myself just yesterday after laying in bed crying all day. Im doing better now with the help of my fiance. But it is frustrating bc even tho she tries she doesnt know what it is like and doesnt understand that most of the time I dont know why I am hurting I just am and I cant change it. The only reason I snapped out of it yesterday was bc I saw how upset and lost she was and I focused on comforting her and in doing so was able to forget about dying. I dont have any answers really. Just know that I know how you feel. I know what its like to be lost within yourself. Please know that you have a friend in me. My name is Audrey and I am always here if you need to talk. I need someone to talk to as well. Someone who understands what I go thru. I am always here. No matter what.

It's being almost a whole day. I feel the same today. I'm angry that nothing is better. In the last five days I've added benedryl to my night meds so I don't cry at night or have thoughts of self harm. It works half way. My hubby asked me to clean some of the kitchen. I said no. I told him I was going back to sleep. He said it wasn't good for me. I was quiet.( while my brain raged at him) then he said, "do it if you have to, but you always have another choice." then he hung up.
so I'm here, trying to figure out if I still want to be.

Actually, he's (am I correct in than your significant other is a he?) probably right (sort of). Sleeping too much is not good for someone who is depressed. It only makes us more depressed. He could have been more gentle and supportive, admittedly, but in the end, I think he has a point.

When we are depressed, and in the sort of head-space that you are in, inactivity, sleeping all of the time, and so on, can only make the situation worse. For me, I need something to do, anything, that can take me out of my head for a little while. I read. I get so lost in a book, that I completely forget myself, or my problems. I also try to get up and get things accomplished, the feeling of progress and achievement a great helper.

In order for things to get better, we can't just wait around. We have to push forward, do something to actively change our head-space. Do anything that makes you feel good, but not anything that may make the situation worse.

Well wishes, and hoping that you feel better.

Defenders words speak to me as I hope they speak to you. I feel like whatever I say won't carry the depth and meaning that his does. Just know my thoughts and prayers are with you.