Yes, I do.........well, I used to. Honey, years ago, when my husband did not understand, he could be the same way. He was confused and blaming the meds and docs. Some people dont do well with emotion like that. They dont know how to handle it or respond to it when they see us like that.

I SI when I am so emotionally anguished, I just want it to go away so I hurt myself to "feel" physical pain. I used to get so upset and disassociate, that I blacked out sort of and had no memory of the incident but the physical harm and property destruction was evident. Please call your pdoc today and talk to him. This is a very dangerous state to be in. You cannot know what you will do when you are upset.

I am here if you need to talk and I keep you in my prayers. Hugs

Im sorry to hear that your fiance isnt more supportive, In my opinion it would be best to surround your self with people who will understand and just be there for you, even if it is just a hug.

I have recently been through a manic phase in which i was also in a dissociative state, i vaguely remember some things but its more like remembering a dream than actual events.

You should discuss this with your docs. Hope this helped.

IM me if you need to.

Thanks Shelly and JeanyMay.

I'll call my pdoc today, although I don't know if she's in on Mondays.

I'd love to surround myself with more supportive people, but it's just me and my fiance here. Luckily my kids are with my mother right now. I don't feel very safe considering I'm doing things without my own knowledge.

I don't want to go to the hospital, but maybe that's the best place for me right now.

Sweetie, NONE of us want to go to the hospital. It isnt a comfortable feeling to know we need to but it is very necessary sometimes to get our meds straight and get on track..........please consider it if you dont feel safe. It isnt good for you and can push you over the edge very quickly.

At least call the pdoc and leave a message with her service about how you feel. Please take care of you sweetie. You are so in my heart. Hugs

Im like that at times also. I have even ran away more than once to get away from any feelings I was having... And some of the things I dont remember doing either... People will tell me and its like um... ok if you say so. And like some of us on here... im known to be the queen of cutting so that I could feel someone real... I havent done it in a while and i hope not to do it again... but who knows.
Anyways... I hope things get better for you...
*HUGS*

I know what you mean about not feeling safe. I get most worried on my ups because that's when i totally loose myself. I have left my fiance before because my feeling just turned off, and then started doing drugs (bad drugs) and all sorts of things that were VERY bad for me. But it didn't even register that i was doing anything weird or out of the ordinary.

Then all of a sudden BOOM all my feelings came back and I could barely get up in the morning because I was so confused and upset that I could do all of this stuff with barely any knowledge of it!

Sorry to rant, my point is, Im now back with my fiance and I have pretty much control of my life. So I can relate to the feelings of not being in control and maybe needing to seek help from docs if your not getting it at home.

I'm sorry to give advice becuase if it were someone giving it to me id be like " as if i hadn't thought if that" BUT ....

maybe try to join a few support groups that have weekly meetings? basically like DS but in real life? it would be a great idea to be with people that will understand.

Sorry to rant. x

Everything is ok, cos evrything takes its propper course

If I knew of any support groups that held weekly meetings I'd love to go. The only support groups I know of are DBT and that costs a lot of money.

Yes Boxy, everything in my life WILL take it's propper course.

Hanna,

Are there are any DBSA support groups in your area- or a NAMI chapter?

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

I called my pdoc, she's not in today and apparently she doesn't check her voicemail every day either. I think it's time for a new pdoc.

I honestly don't want to go to the hospital b/c I can't smoke there. Sad but true. Even if it was the best place for me to be, I'd rather have my cigarettes than be admitted.

Oh Geesh, Hanna, I do understand that.......but, they can give you a patch which does help alot. It helped me a great deal last time I was hospitalized. Please, sweetie, think of you and your stability.........we do hang on to our one pleasure in life even if it is bad for us, dont we, haha............I hate to see you like this and it is going to come down to making a hard decision. Put your safety net in place. No matter what your b/f says or how he reacts, he needs to know that your thoughts go beyond crying to hurting yourself and suicide.

Please protect yourself for you and your kids. They need their mommy sweetie. Hugs