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SI again.

Alliegator
Alliegator
I cut again. I hadn't SI for a long time. a year and a half. I cut last night and felt like I couldn't stop. Then tonight I wanted to again. I stood there holding the scissors and knew I shouldn't do it. Watched myself do it though. I just chose not to fight the urge. I am so tired of fighting. I feel bad for doing it. I don't want to be a f*** up again either.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You should seek help as soon as possible. You are not fucked up, you just need assistance to stop these urges. We are all willing to find you help if have difficulty finding some.

Please take care and know that everyone here cares for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I kow you feel guilt ridden about this but please try not to be. We all mistakes. Be proud you lasted so long before you did it, and try to outlast it next time, use this to set yourself a new goal.
ZanyBeeper
ZanyBeeper
Sorry you are going through this hon. I have never really been into cutting but have injured myself in other ways over the years. Do you have a therapist that you can talk to? Do you go to the pdoc? You know the drill-ice, wrap yourself in a tight blanket, etc. Take care. Hugs.
walkingthewhiteline
walkingthewhiteline
I am a recovering SI. I have found we can find many ways to SI ourselves other than the obvious ones that stand out.

Whether you see it or not, you are a beautiful girl with lots ahead of you. We must keep up the fight.

I am on the dark green status for the first time in a very long time. (Wouldn't you know I'd then get physically sick-haha.) I was ready to walk the white line on the hwy that is just down the hill from my house again until three days ago.

I don't know what your personal situation is for wanting to abuse at the moment, but if you can isolate it and work on it that would be ideal.

Other things to remember are how long those darn scars stay with us. You are too beautiful to have cuts all over you. Actually all of us are, but you just happen to be extra cute.

Another thing to remember if you get in a relationship with someone, they may be turned off by the scars. I asked my husband if he had trouble being romantic with me after I had cut and he said yes. I had told him to be honest.

I fight the urge by over working myself with a physical task like yard work or I squeeze two handfuls of ice until they are completely melted.

You may not feel it at the moment, but you deserve more than a body of cuts and scars. I know this to be true because we all do.

Please don't let past memories or an imbalance hurt you even more.

I hope you find the strength and the desire to fight. You are worth it as a human being. We all are worth seeking out the best for ourselves whether it is therapy or meds. Reward your body with a workout instead of punishing yourself that has already experienced enough pain.

Good luck!
T