Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
im in a high.. so i need to ramble on and on, theres so much going on in my head, and i just dont know where to start.
im impulsive, do things without thinking. i want a smoke, i had a puff, but im so scared of getting caught by my boyfirienfd, not that he can say anything, he smokes, thats where i stole my smoke from. but he wouldnt be able to tell if one smoke was missing, so im not worried. i told him today that smoking cuts off 60 seconds of his life so he joked and said guess he better smoke two.. so i said maybe i should take up smoking. and then when he wasnt looking i took one of his smokes, and now i want to smoke it. but im so worried about getting caught as i always say smokings bad... and that he shouldnt be smoking. he knows i smoke on occasion, the odd time. when im drinking, depenidn who im with. but he doesnt know id take one of his smokes just to smoke one.
i do things i shouldnt when im in a high.. when im impulsive. i do things without thinking. putting others lives in danger, as well as my own. but i dotn care about my life, not really. not right now, not in this high. i dont think about the consequences.
im tired of the highs and lows want to jsut be normal. but thatll never happen. ive lost my way, and i need to find it again... but i dont know how, since im so scared to tell someone who could do something, about what is going on with me.
am i a danger to myself? i want to hurt myself all the time, am i a danger to others? ive been walking the roads with the boy i baby sit and doing kind of careless things. wanting to play on the road but having JUST enough control not to because of the innocent little child i push in his stroller.
theres lots going on. who thinks about death? about dying? about how life would be so much easier? everyone thinks about it, but does everyone think about different ways to die? actually thinking about these things? or should someone who thinks that be locked up?
i dont want to be admitted, dont want to lose my job, my life, possibly my boyfriend. i know he loves me and doubt hed leave... but i just.. i dont know.. dont know if i want to risk it.. but can i live in silence?
im impulsive, do things without thinking. i want a smoke, i had a puff, but im so scared of getting caught by my boyfirienfd, not that he can say anything, he smokes, thats where i stole my smoke from. but he wouldnt be able to tell if one smoke was missing, so im not worried. i told him today that smoking cuts off 60 seconds of his life so he joked and said guess he better smoke two.. so i said maybe i should take up smoking. and then when he wasnt looking i took one of his smokes, and now i want to smoke it. but im so worried about getting caught as i always say smokings bad... and that he shouldnt be smoking. he knows i smoke on occasion, the odd time. when im drinking, depenidn who im with. but he doesnt know id take one of his smokes just to smoke one.
i do things i shouldnt when im in a high.. when im impulsive. i do things without thinking. putting others lives in danger, as well as my own. but i dotn care about my life, not really. not right now, not in this high. i dont think about the consequences.
im tired of the highs and lows want to jsut be normal. but thatll never happen. ive lost my way, and i need to find it again... but i dont know how, since im so scared to tell someone who could do something, about what is going on with me.
am i a danger to myself? i want to hurt myself all the time, am i a danger to others? ive been walking the roads with the boy i baby sit and doing kind of careless things. wanting to play on the road but having JUST enough control not to because of the innocent little child i push in his stroller.
theres lots going on. who thinks about death? about dying? about how life would be so much easier? everyone thinks about it, but does everyone think about different ways to die? actually thinking about these things? or should someone who thinks that be locked up?
i dont want to be admitted, dont want to lose my job, my life, possibly my boyfriend. i know he loves me and doubt hed leave... but i just.. i dont know.. dont know if i want to risk it.. but can i live in silence?
Since i know all of that all im gonna say is...oh gee guess....NO you cant live in silence!!!
Love ya girl, more than you know =o)
Loves & hugs
me
love and huggs
and picklebrain, im working towards help. its a good thing i have enough control not to lose control with a child.
maybe seek inpatient to get meds straight or talk to your doc about some meds. and if you can find it in yourself to find a new job.. i would if i thought that way.
it is a shame about our disorder, but it effects us all differently, like a thumbprint, similar but not exactly.
i go to over protecting kids. i want to make sure my kids are safe. even making sure other peoples kids are safe, so i dont totally understand. but i know if intrusive thoughts are kicked by a bit of mania, bad things can happen you will later regret. seek help, make decisions that keep you safe and the child.