I went through a phase of that about seven years ago. A LOT of alcohol, guys, burning my arms with cigarettes, the works. Then I met my current husband and life stabalized. Just hang on :)

This is much more common with borderline personality disorder than bipolar. Have you been dx'd with this?

Here is more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Allie, I was there exactly, just about your age......I was very destructive and loathing myself, self medicating, self harming etc. I was very confused and constantly hating life. I was extremely hyper sexual and permiscuous. I am amazed that I am alive today.........but I got through it and you can too. One step at a time.

It helped me alot to work with my therapists and find the right meds later. I learned to respect myself and appreciate who I am.

It is really hard sweetie and I know you feel like there is no end, but there is. Find that strength deep within yourself, it is there. Hugs

I was always one to self harm with my fists. Crash to the head, pound a fist into the thigh again and again. Try to crack myself over the head with a kitchen chair. Forgot that the seats weren't nailed down in the chair, and it started to come out. That confused me, and next thing I knew, I messed up and broke the ceiling light with the legs of the chair. Boy, I never heard the end of that one.

hey allie, i feel like most of my life i have been self-destructive, even now, i still fight with it.....i'm trying so hard to be more self-kind and self-caring.....some days are easier then others.....

for me, it is getting more connected to the spirit that helps me stop these self-destructive patterns....and behaviors...

anyway, i think that part of the human condition is being self-destructive, it's just some people are much more self-destructive then others.....people always use to tell me how self-destructive i was, even today, people will notice it a bit...

but i have come a long way allie, and you can too.....it takes time...it takes learning, it takes getting more spiritual...for me anyway...


peace for u sister, love, maggie

I've been diagnosed with bp not bpd. I am pretty sure I don't have enough of the symptoms of bpd to be diagnosed.

I get the same way you get. Thats why I yearn for relationships, that way I dont sleep around. And its never for the sex. Its simply because I want to feel wanted. or I feel good about myself. I dont cheat. If Im with someone Its better for me.

I feel like I am always trying to punish myself. I have really high expectations and I usually don't think I'm good enough. I try to tell myself that it is okay, that I am okay. It doesn't work very often though. I am also extremely competitive so when I see someone getting hit on more than me or thinner than me I end up using the correlating self-destructive mechanisms.