Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
It is taking every ounce of energy to not be violently self destructive right now. I feel like there is no hope of ever getting better. Every end of Winter/beginning of Spring I am cripplingly depressed. I have attempted suicide twice and am very close to a third. The only thing keeping me alive is the fear of a third failed attempt.
Depression is so tough - I am cursed with chronic depression & currently in a slow long depression. It dips into those dark places. I have attempted 5 times but I know it's not the thing to do. It is a new day every day and who knows what or who may lie around that corner making our life better.
I find it hard to shower or get up out of bed, the more I don't shower the worse I feel. I make myself get up no matter how difficult; walk my pup, clean my place and shower. Once I do that I find my day to be a little easier to cope with. Positive material helps too. Fresh air.
Big hugs, I totally understand.
I also know years of mixed episodes, and life you said - this is Winter to Spring - you KNOW it will pass.... we live and learn, trying to end your life, when you KNOW summer will be better, you will smile you will laugh - this is not the rest of your life, this is a bad week! Just like mine.... would you kill me for a fucked up month? LOL I hope not : )
Your sick, mentally ill - your brain says, Give up and die - if you admit your bipolar, and take medications - why believe a sick brain? We don't try to take our lives when we have the flu, even if we wished it was over - we just don't put it on the Table! Depression/Flu? Your sick, grab the tissues! : )
Medications are getting better every year - stability to me is 30% meds, and with that NOT bad time, I work on my thoughts and learn tools and coping skills. I learn how not to get upset, so that death seems an option. We are not doomed, and we CAN GET BETTER!
The episodes, get shorter and come fewer!!! Hold on, I'm glad you here - your safe, vent and rant, cry and KNOW this will pass.. not our first rodeo, and next spring, well - maybe you can make it to May before you feel like cracking!
Life is what happens between episodes! If your faithful to your meds, or if you NOT, that is a place to start - take them right, or get them adjusted if they are not working.... Set yourself up to coast, and take thoughts of death off the table.... This is temporary, and you are not alone ((((BIG HUG))))
Best of luck and welcome to the group. ~smiles~