Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hello, my name is Maryam. I have been on this site for a while, but this is my first post. My family lacks communication. On the surface we look very close, but in reality everyone is in their own little corner dealing with their own shit. One of my older sisters got married and didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t find out my dad had prostate cancer until months after he started receiving treatment. For years I’ve been trying to open the lines of communication. To at least share what’s going on with me with my family. Earlier today I sent a family text to everyone, excitedly telling them that I’m going back to school in January. I got a few responses, positive ones. But that’s it. I sent the text to 7 family members including my mother and father, and maybe 3 family members responded. I’m not expecting a parade, but this is a big deal to me. I’ve been wanting to go back to school for years. And the fact that I am feeling ok enough to go is huge. I just wanted more support, more kudos, more validation. Something other than silence from most of the people on the text. I am upset, I am second guessing myself, I am thinking maybe I should not have sent the text, maybe I over shared by telling my family about going back to school, maybe I should have kept my plans to myself. Now I am feeling sad and confused because one side of me says “that’s just how my family is, don’t worry about it, I did nothing wrong, my family is just weird” the other side says “my family is supposed to be loving and supportive, and I know most of them are not, so I never should have tried to communicate in the first place” And I feel stupid for being upset over such a small situation. And because of this I was triggered into feelings of unworthiness, I keep having these negative thoughts that tell me “ look how pathetic you are, not even your family cares about you”. I feel sad and confused and lost. I just want some support. Some acknowledgement that I’m working hard on getting my life together, some validation. I know I’m not supposed to want or need outside validation, but I’m not there yet. I need someone to tell me that I’m doing a good job. That I matter. I know it’s pathetic. Ok, I just wanted to share how I’m feeling, have a good night.
-
Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
-
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
I'm Kat. Well it sounds like your family's never been one for good communication....and if your parents didn't teach you and your siblings how to communicate positively, or if they didn't model that behavior for you....then its unrealistic to think that you should be able to change it in a short amount of time.
When we're young, we learn behaviors, we learn what our parents are supposed to teach us, some families don't teach the right things, i.e. manners, ethics, social skills, communication. The family is where kids learn or don't learn those things and if your family wasn't one that had or taught good communication, hon that's not on you.
Your not pathetic, your certainly not unworthy and it doesn't make you weak or needy or anything bad. People need validation, we like to share good things with others, especially our family. We like to share our accomplishments, and for someone with BiPolar, being stable enough to continue a College education can be a big accomplishment. So don't think because your family isn't up to par on basic communication skills that your not worthy or shouldn't be proud of yourself, because you should be very proud of yourself. Its a great accomplishment.
I don't know if you see a Therapist or not, but this might be something to talk over with them. Perhaps get a different perspective or a more realistic expectation of what you can get from your family. Its not easy to get people to change lifelong behaviors. The reality may be that the positive responses that you got from a few of them may be what you have to be okay with. Or if you feel comfortable with it, when your around your parents next, in a non-confrontational way, bring it up, say, "Hey did y'all get my text about going back to school? I'm pretty jazzed and proud of myself for that"...and see what they say.
I've been BiPolar for 29 years, I'm almost 50 years old and I have 1 living parent and 4 living siblings that I'm very happy not to have a relationship with. I know screwed up families, I think mine is in the Hall of Fame....I learned a long time ago, who I needed validation from, who I considered it important from, and what was important to me. I can tell you, my "family" was never in those categories.
Hang in there, okay...you are doing a good job, going back to school is a big deal and a big accomplishment and I hope its a great experience for you. I thoroughly enjoyed my years at University.
Hey, and don't ever think yourself pathetic or unworthy just because someone else didn't cheer as loudly for you as you thought you needed them to.....you're doing this, you're the one keeping things level so you can go back, you're doing all the hard work....and there is nothing pathetic or unworthy about that.
Take care,
Kat
I'm sorry that you're hurt..... Hopefully more people will contact you over the next day or two.... Sometimes people get involved in their own stuff and don't get back right away.... I hope that's the case here
Congratulations on going back to school.... That is awesome!!
I agree that OlderC has given you some great advise..... Big squishy hug.....xo
Good luck in school and enjoy it!
You Go Girl!!
Most excellent in your efforts to go back to college.
Sadly, often times family, at least in my own experience in the past, did not see me the way others see me, nor see my hard efforts to move beyond my bp..nor do they understand How Hard Change is for me,...scary
No excuse of your family, but they don't walk with bp shoes on their feet like you do every day!...and we do here...our shoe sizes are all different, yet we all wear the bper's style :)
In the words of wisdom of Poo "You are Stronger Than You Believe"....