An estranged relative shared a secret with me. It haunted me almost daily for years. It definitely affected my emotional health.
Then I prayed on it and decided the harm of the secret being released would ruin so many lives that it was best left alone. If it is meant to come out, it will on it's own. If you have a therapist or psychiatrist you can talk to maybe it would be helpful.

I can't talk to my therapist about this. I can't talk to anyone about it. This secret is something my therapist would be forced to report and I will wind up in a bad place. Not to mention all the damage it would do to the other people who were around at the time this happened. This secret can never be revealed.

I just don't know how to keep it anymore.

Take your secret and write it down on a piece of paper. Then take the paper the secret is writing on and either bury it to return it to the earth for healing or burn it as a means of releasing it. That way no harm comes to anyone and you have still told it. Just a thought.

Well, if the therapist would be legally bound to report it, that pretty much tells what subjects it's limited to.

And I can think of no circumstances under which keeping that kind of information secret is the right way to go.

But then, just because *I* can't think of hiding it as being the right thing to do, doesn't mean I'm right.

That's not true that this secret can never be revealed.
That's your choice and it's not the only one you have to make.

Yes. That kind of thing CAN kill you. Although usually very slowly and in indirect ways.
Just look at how the torture of keeping this to yourself has affected you in the past four years.
It's probably not going to get any better.
It usually gets worse and worse.
The stress of keeping that secret and of having been exposed to whatever it is that makes up that secret can take a terrible toll on your health and will almost always negatively affect every relationship you ever have in your life.

Are there any kinds of hotlines where you can tell someone without divulging your identity and the identities of everyone else involved?

I'm not Catholic but maybe a Catholic can answer this question:
Can you go to confession and tell what happened without saying who you are or who all the others are?

If it's one of those 'has to be reported' things, I'm sure you will be urged to do so, but I would hope that you would also be offered some kind of help and guidance in spite of your choice not to tell.

I'm so sorry that you're 'stuck' in this nightmare.
I hope you find some sort of release from all that you're feeling about this.
And I hope whatever happened ultimately turns out well.
I hope maybe someone on here will post something that will offer you at least a little relief!!!

(((((Hugs)))))

Carrying secrets and feelings of guilt can be very devastating to our general health. I found that the best way for me to deal with these things is to use the grieving guidelines to deal with them and that works for me.
http://www.caring.com/grief

You can always go to a Catholic Priest and discuss it with them.

They are sworn to secrecy.

Personally, I would not confess to a priest. I believe they also have to report something, if it is deemed necessary. I don't really know how to advise u though.
I kept a secret for over thirty-two years, and yes it was destroying me on the inside, I finally revealed it to my closest relatives, and despite still feeling very ashamed, it helped somewhat, because in my case they forgave me. My secret wasn't something that I'd get in trouble with the authorities though.
I wouldn't call a hotline either, they can trace ur call, and if its something that would deem the authorities being called, believe me they will. All aside, I think some of the people on here have given u good advice, I think Richard's advice to go to the site about grieving might help u. I'm sorry ur going through this, I do understand how it can destroy u emotionally. Hope some of the advice given on the board helps u. hugs, tedi

I meant tommymott. I apologize for the goof up.

And some protestant churches have times where you can write the secret on the paper and leave it at the altar.

I'm a devoted Catholic, yes you can go to a priest. But if your not catholic isn't going to work.