Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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xBlissx 07/28/2010

So i've been in inpatient treatment for 6 weeks now and tomorrow I should be being taken off my one to one obs.
Things are much better than when I first came in and I can actually say I'm feeling really good at the moment. But at the same time, I'm feeling extremely anxious. I think it's because I know things are starting to move on and I guess I'm a little scared of it all. It's making me quite emotional even though I feel happy... don't know if that makes any sense to anyone. My therapist has said before that with a lot of emotions, fear is the root cause and I agree. I'm also worried about falling into that BPD trap of 'abandonment issues'. I don't want to start to think I feel things that arn't really there, just because I don't want to be left alone. It is really scary but I've got to do it, I can't have someone hold my hand the rest of my life.

Does anyone else relate to being scared of moving on and getting better? It feels so unnatural after being depressed and hating myself for so long to actually think "i'm not that bad and I feel happy".

x-Bliss-x

deleted_user 07/28/2010

Every time I have had extended stays in the hospital, I am always weary of being discharged. For me the hospital usually becomes a safe, secured place where I am not confronted with the stresses and challenges of life. I want to return home, but I am afraid that the stability or even happiness I feel will abandon me once I leave the unit. I think what you are feeling is very natural, but once you pass through those doors much of the unbearable anxiety will dissipate. I am not suggesting that everything will be perfect or even wonderful, but what you have learned about yourself and the progress you have made will not be instantaneously yanked out from under you the way a rug might be.

Hugs,

Tracey

deleted_user 07/28/2010

I definitely relate, especially at this point in my life. I am coming out of a very bad place, not just depression, but psychotic thinking too. God is bringing me out of it and the meds are helping, too. I am afraid to get better. It feels like psychosis is all I know. It's like I don't know how to feel normal, happy, satisfied, etc. But I am trusting in God to lead the way to a better life for me. In the Bible, God promises to give us a sound mind. And I am claiming that promise, as scary as it may be. I just know that if I keep trusting in Him, things will go exactly as He plans.

I hope you can find a way to not be so afraid. FEAR- false evidence appearing real. Remember that if you trust in God, all things will work out for good.

I'm not trying to preach to you, I'm just suggesting what is working for me.

Love and hugs.

deleted_user 07/28/2010

my main issue is fear of abandonment....i totally understand what youre going through....and it is scary and im sure that im the last person on earth to offer any advice, but for me i just pretend that im not scared....isnt that weird? i just pretend that im okay, that im better than yesterday, that i can make it through another hour in my life....and then for some reason it works....who knows....you will do just fine.....see yourself strong and you will become strong....hugs!

deleted_user 07/28/2010

i hate and fear change worse than anything else, so i think what you're experiencing is normal, even normal people are scared of change

rubyblue 07/28/2010

my shrink told me that fear of change can be a component of BP... its the unexpected and the unkown that gets to me... I like to remain in my comfort zone (or actually uncomfort zone as a psychologist once said to me) and like things to be constant... I'm in the middle of a massive change myself and to say its unsettling is an understatement

I think what you are feeling is natural.. wishing you best wishes and good luck x

deleted_user 07/28/2010

change throws me off balance, makes my anxiety go through the roof.
scares me but I tell myself I deserve to live better, and I know the way I have lived most of my life isn't making me happy in any way so I fight with myself to accept it

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