pretty much the same thing ,
but we are better people for realising the error of our ways, and our children will respect us for that you know :)
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Don't beat yourself up too bad! We have all fucked up in the past, and the more we continue to dwell on it, the further we are from moving forward and having great things in our lives.

Like Tirian said, the great thing is that you have learned from the error of your ways and will try not to make the same mistakes again.

Hugs,

Christa

Everyone in the world forgives you but now comes the hard part...you have to forgive yourself. Breathe in, breathe out and let it go. Repeat as necessary.

I've been having a good time searching songs and authors.
We can sure learn some cool stuff on this puter machine!

'Remembering is my punishment I guess."

Hey, you screwed up. Ok, I agree, but even felons only serve one sentence for each crime. You've sentenced yourself to a lifetime of repeated punishment for a crime that happened a long time ago.

Chelle, my mom was a bit like you. When we were very young, we lived in Asia. She hated that life, being the executive's wife, having to host parties, not having a job of her own. She was a small town girl and she saw the glitz as what it was, thin. So, she drank.

When I was seven, while driving the maid to her bus stop, my mom drove us off a cliff. She was drunk. She was hurt badly but recovered, the rest of us were ok.

Chelle, she was miserable for my early childhood. I don't remember her but as a tall person, distant, in a beautiful dress. My brother and I, were for years raised by Amahs, nannies.

We moved back to the states, she stopped drinking, and she became an amazing mom, an amazing person, so much so that when she got sick, for months neighbors dropped by with cassaroles at dinner time. When she died, so many people took the time to tell me how much she had meant to their lives.

Judge Free considers the case, a tough one. Chelle was mean to a kid.

But, there are mitigating circumstances. Chelle's reformed herself, she recognizes the error of her ways. Her remorse is genuine.

Judge Free lets Chelle off for good behavior. I hereby reduce your sentence to time served; but with the following caveats.

1. You will drop the self punishment. After a certain point, that is pointless and it only hurts those around you because it hurts you. If you punish yourself too much, you let that overshadow love and joy and family.

You have responsibilities to your kids and your husband. Your main task in this life, just as with all of us, is to love and support friends and family. You cannot do that if you yourself are not happy and whole.

So,

2. Forgive yourself. What is done is done.

3. Go forth and do better. Live, laugh and love.

Your pennance is a tough one. From here on out, you will try to be joyful and happy and whole, and you will try to be a better friend and mom.

Ok, this sounds silly, but it is important. We can't be good to others till we are good to ourselves. And we owe them that.

Judge Free, seeing the redwood log in his own eye while he's giving Chelle a hard time about the toothpick in her own eye, and remembering Matthew 7 ("do not judge lest ye be judged). Gives himself the same sentence.

"Free, you scallywag, you lowlife hypocrite, you Scrouge, darn you, you'd better do the same. Be nicer and more outgoing and loving. Call your brother, take your nieces skiing, make cookies for your coworkers."

Man, we all carry so much regret, don't we? And it can hurt us so, and by hurting us, hurt those around us.

That's why forgiveness is so important, and why we first have to forgive ourselves.

u did it again free~ u gave out great advise, and turned it around to help urself! awesome!

free, you are on a roll and I love reading your comments. You always take them full circle.

Chelle, I have those memories too. I put my first two boys through hell with my rage. The most difficult thing for me was to realize I was acting just like my father, who I swore I would never mimic. I could fully understand my son's anguish because I had suffered it myself as a child at the hands of my father's rage.

I learned not to look back, not to regret what has already happened and could not be changed, but to see it as an important part of my journey. I broke the cycle of rage just as you did and by doing so, we have taught our children that there is a better way to live life. We have also taught them about forgiveness and how to love beyond the past and move into the future with wisdom.

You are a wonderful woman Chelle and your experiences can be used to enlighten others and give others the strength to embrace their journey. xo

Chelle, there are no perfect people~~no perfect parents~~you love your children and your children know you love them~~especially your daughter who talked up a $900 phone bill recently. Hey, she is still talking isn't she? I was amazed that she still had a phone when you told me about it. Dang, my Dad would have answered every call for me and told them to call back in ten years when I could pay my own phone bill.