I never said that being an atheist means you have no moral compus !

sorry I wasn't saying you personally believe that zeinna

I know you didn't.

I've just come across people who've made that assumption.

Ahh yes, the religious/God conflicts have plagued me ( no pun intended) my entire life.

Most of my angst comes from having such a strong belief as a young child. Since I was being sexually abused at about 4 I would pray and beg God to make it all stop.

Long story short I tried to keep faith that there was a God. Then when the one place I felt safe was ruined for me by the scandals of abuse and the Catholic Church covering these abusers.... I walked away all together from that aspect of my life.

I do believe in God but have a lot of conflict within. I am lost and that's ok and if I go to hell- I go to hell. How much worse could it be than my life???

I stopped overthinking it all and just be the best person I can be and hey if there is something "better" after my death than it's a bonus. However I always say that if my abusers are sitting at the table than I will take a seat outside the gates on a bench and be the unofficial greeter!! lol

Anyway- BP or not these conflicts are not bad or unusual. Our journeys are all different......

I concentrate on being a moral, compassionate person. It's good to marvel at nature and the universe, and art like timeless symphonies. There is a lot of good in humanity. I'm an atheist, personally I think religion is mostly political and used by the powerful to control the ordinary people, for their own agenda.

I recently gave up organized religion. I really don't believe there's a heaven or hell. think about. if a soul is cast into hell to burn, what burns? the body stays on earth and I don't think the soul is made of anything solid. Therefore hell would be ineffective as a punishment. My husband passed way a few months ago and at his bedside was his longtime pastor. The pastor spoke of everyone there gets their own mansion. I don't think he was speaking metaphorically. I'm thinking, " why would need a mansion in heaven? You no longer have a solid body. You no longer need to sleep, eat, go to the bathroom or come out the rain when you get heaven." I'm thinking God is some type of living energy is needed to create life. Whether God listen to and answers prayers or doesn't, I don't know.

JennS : that's a very reasonable argument .

Maybe my tablet will behave and stop exiting out of chrome! Either that or my cats will quit walking across my bed...yeah, right!

No, I don't believe your bipolar is directly affecting your religious dilemma. The only times I have heard of that happening were when a person was in a full blown manic state! So, I don't think you have to worry about the bipolar in that respect.

As to nagging God , no. The God I know never grows tired of our 'voices' or words. He has a limitless...LIMITLESS patience and love. I think most Christians, at some point in their lives, are afraid of going to hell. Just because you're questioning your faith and are beyond furious at what is happening to you does NOT mean you are going to hell! It means you are human.

Someday you will find your peace with your religious beliefs, what ever they will be. But don't rush it. Take your time with it. I lost my faith for 8 years. Eight years during which my utter loathing for God could not possibly be silenced. Eight years and one very special man finally calmed the violent rages. And very slowly, my faith is returning. It will take time... For me and for you.

Big Hugz!

Zin