Sounds like a tough place Hushpuppy....(((((hugs))))

Any chance you could call your pdoc and get a medication tweak? This time of year is very tough on us Beepers I don't know why...maybe the change in light?

Love yourself hon and be kind to yourself today....

So sorry you're feeling this way. I think many of us here have felt, or are currently feeling, the way you do. I think adjusting to life after hospitalization is one of the toughest things to go through managing this illness, but please have hope that it will not always be this way. You're doing a good thing by participating here. I encourage you to keep fighting the good fight and participate here when you feel isolated. Big ((((hugs)))))

Perhaps it's Empty Nest Syndrome. There is an Empty Nests support group here.

My Gran has failed badly since she left Hospital and perhaps she's gonna remain bedridden until her death.

I brought over the papers of the week; plus the TV listings; but she wasn't in a good mood. She said, "Why did you not go and see me?" (I had been hanging on with pittance in order to hang on until yesterday when I had to buy Car Insurance)

Hang on in there.

Just know you have us who care and are here to support you no matter what you are going through. Hugs

Yes, I am with you in that boat. I'm wondering if you've been this ill before? I have many times. It has lasted for weeks, months and now it's over a year (due to really bad circumstances I put myself in). I wish that other 'non bipolar stricken' people could find it in their hearts to try and understand that it really isn't our fault. Hushpuppy, this shit is real, I know...I believe you and really do 'get' how horrible wanting to be diagnosed with some disease to take you out, or making suicide look like an accident. I don't think we want to die, we just feel that we cannot bare living THIS way. I want you here, girl. I have to literally force myself to put on clothes, makeup, and leave the house, and it can the the worst feeling, doing so. If you can, tomorrow, do something different. Just one or two things to break up the cycle a little bit. Then the next day, one or two more things. Message me, sweetie, if you ever feel you might make another attempt. Your kids would be devastated. You must be so loved, though i know it's hard to take not being able to feel it. This is NOT your fault. Mental illness really does exist. You are going to be ok if you just force yourself to be...lol. Sounds so ridiculous as I read this back. Know that I mean well and hope that I have helped if even to make you laugh at how long winded this is Big hugs, love and light I send to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been where you are. 2015 i was hospitalized 2 times for suicide attempts. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my daughter in 2011 and felt as though i lost my purpose in life. It sounds like since your kids are grown and out of the house you may feel like like you lost your purpose in life?

I rescued animals a cat and a dog and i found gardening is a great coping skill for me because i work to keep them alive and healthy.

I really hope you find peace and comfort. Life is worth living and your kids and hubs want you there, remember that. You are their whole life too.

The boat is always thinking but somehow I find something to plug the hole!! Hugs

I meant sinking! LOL

When I found myself living alone at 43 for the first time, ever....I'd divorced my husband of 25 years (a good thing) and my boys were both busy with life, 1 lived down at the Coast with his longterm girlfriend, and the youngest in high school with tons of extra curricular's and time spent between his dad and myself.

It was very lonely and I was in between jobs at the time, so I spent alot of time on the couch...being a slug..randomly balling my eyes out, then angry, then sad, the more tears, self harm getting worse....its not a fun cycle.

I decided 1 day that it was just too much and I had to get up and do something....so I started Volunteering. I volunteered at the Ronald McDonald house in town, I volunteered at a nursery seeding plants, I worked with a support group for teens who self injured. Those things gave me the will to get off the couch each day, they gave me a place to go and a purpose to be somewhere, where other people cared about me.

So maybe you could check out some Volunteer organizations, there are always so many places that need people to help, and they don't have to be perfect people. Its hard when you go from a busy mom to not having kids in the house, but there are others out there that could use your help.

I hope things look up for you soon.