i get like that too, and it does go away. just seems like it takes forever.
are you on any meds, or changed meds lately? sorry i cant be more helpful.

oh, I could relate to so so much of this. The feeling that you've been crying forever... waking up angry and not knowing why... I'm sorry you are going through this right now!

You WILL feel happiness one day. you deserve it, I can tell even though I don't know you at all.

i hope you get some sleep. :)

I can hear you hon I wish I could say something that would make it better like a magi incantation but I cant. Just know that there are people who care and that you are never alone in feeling alone - if that makes any sense. I pray that here you find the comfort and peace that you are seeking and that if nothing else you find someone to cry alongside you. God bless you x x x x x

Thankyou all so much for replying. I appreciate it so much. I hate feeling so alone all the time.

do you take meds, irisrain? Don't see on your profile. (I'm up too, can't sleep, a little manic)

When our BP minds get in a 'broken record' state, it can be really, really hard to get out. And I know Exactly how it feels when you're married and have kids - the Down side can be Very Strong. I'm divorced now and son is grown, but I remember Well.

I'm the Crying Queen in my family - no one does it but me, but they overlook it now.

I spent a good two years in a state like you are describing - I wish now I had taken meds, but I didn't at the time. They have really helped me in that area.

Glad you're willing to open up - glad I'm here tonight. :)

Reaching out is good. Talk with your doc, sounds like meds might need to be tweeked a little. If you don't have psycatrist, mabee time to find one you can get a long with. Sure has made my life much more managable. The depression side of bi-polar is the worst for me, I can bcom completely debilitated. I go to such a dark place it is frightening. Feel free if you need someone to talk with to contact me....i really do know how you are feeling. Keep hope. Get on new medications if the ones your on are not working....

Depakote was perscribed for me about 2 years ago while I was going to school. It made me feel very sleepy and my grades were slipping .. (Oh did I mention that I am a type A personality?). Stopped taking the depakote and never went back to that pdoc. didn't like him at all ... thought he knew me after one sitting. I think I have to find someone else to go to and get a different tx, but I always put it off. It scares me alot... what if they find out at work? Can I be fired for having this condition?

Probably not on the firing, but you're more likely to quit a job if you're anything like a lot of us BPs. Meds help stabilize your general ability to cope with stuff (I said help, not solve - unfortunately).

yeah, I bet most of us are type A's - there's another post...

well the good thing i can tell you about is that with depression, you can always tell that mania is just around the corner - and then you wont be depressed anymore - it is for me anyways. hope your doing ok.

Dear Iris,
I feel for you. It must be really hard to live like that. I've done it occasionally, and I know. Just so you know, I was reading your post and immediately thought "this sounds like she's not on medication"...
If you suffer, and it seems you do, get treated. Period. You're much less likely to mess up a marriage, underperform at work, or blow up at your kids for no reason when you're not being treated. Besides, why should you suffer? And besides, getting treated prevents bipolar from getting worse over time. Just find another pdoc, get on some medication, (and then on some others, and then on some others), wait to see what works for you, and you should be much better off than you are now.
And you did the right things by leaving the doctor who is not doing his job well. However, when you talk to the next one, keep in mind that they are primarily interested in chemistry of our brains, as that's where BP happens. You know yourself that sometimes there may be no particular reason to feel e.g. angry at everyone, it just happens.
Good luck, and I hope you get yourself a good, understanding doctor.