I've lost many friends due to behavior in my past...I still feel shame over most of it. But am working of letting go of the past. I am not the same person I was back then. The fact that you are reaching out tells me you aren't the same person you were 5 years ago. try to let yourself off the hook a little bit. Be kind to yourself.

What did u do? Is it really that bad?

You r not alone in the one-sided thing. I tried that in a few friendships.(longterm ones). I didn't just stop making the calls. But I stopped being the bigger person and gave them a chance to be bigger. The friendships dissolved.

Ugh. that's been a problem for me most of my life. Almost all of my friends were really kind and friendly in public, or if I went to see them, but practically NEVER came over or called. I did have a few good honest ones, though, and I thank God for them. I have a good use for affirmations, and it's not saying them repeatedly to myself until they become a part of me. grrrr......

What I did have to learn to come out of that, though, is how to be friends with people who actually do understand that, who do care, and who have done those things, too, and still willing to be your friend. That would be these great people right here.

Welcome!!

please dont feel like you do. My last breakdown and diagnosis was sept 2006 and
I went thru all that you're going thru but it was the cognitive behavioural therapy that set me straight in 2008. I was hard work and my emotions were all over the place but I worked thru them and now I'm ok most of the time. Certain people should be avoided and maybe you dont have those friends for a reason, maybe they weren't good for you. Guilt is part of bipolar and it's not your fault you've got this illness they should be more understanding.

Hey..hugs. I hope you can work through this sense of shame in therapy.\
After my first bad episode, many years ago, I was similarly harsh on myself about it...in time, it occured to me that this really was internalized stigma about mental illness- that if the Crazy had say, been a result of mmm, a bad fever with hallucinations etc an understandable, palatable 'reason' for Brain Fart that can 'happen to anyone'- it probably would nowhere near the same sting of shame in it's wake. Helped me anyway cx

Welcome... I think you have been given some good advise here..
lou2 you said it so well..
Be good to you and forgive yourself... it will help you to heal and move on we all deserve that

I think we are all beepers hit that rock at what point or another, I feel shame for what I did to my supportive wife who endured many years of my illness before I get diagnosed, my eldest daughter, who endured some of my irritability and negligence, some few things i learned in therapy:
First., It was not you when you were like that, it was the illness, so you are not practically responsible for what happened because it was uncontrollable.
Second, It's in the past now, you can't do anything to change it, so feeling so much shame upon it will not do any good, look forward to the future, stay on meds, make new friends that you will be able to support as you grow more stable.

I also lost many people along the way, ended up almost alone, but I am gonna fix that at some point, or at least I keep the hope.

Cheers,

ScubaBeeper