Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Earlier in the night I was crying and upset that I can't ever be a hot androgynous person like Tamy Glauser or Ruby Rose (the more common example, I'm less envious of/attracted to her because gorgeous androgynies are not a new thing to me.) Whereas Tamy looking strikingly masculine, as does Azmarie Livingston.
Modelesque and razor-sharp.
Then I became vague for a few hours.
Now I have two small sections of hair on either side of my head tied into pigtails, I feel cute. I'm listening to some 8bit music, the kind of sounds my Gameboy games made, feeling nostalgic of my "kawaii" video game nerd weeaboo days. Even though I had "perfection" issues then, there was a boy by the name of FrankWolf who was kind of my definition of what I wanted to look like and strive for, but he committed suicide shortly after I found out about him.
It was kind of a sobering moment. I think I cried. I don't remember. That maybe he wasn't happy even though thousands of people want to look like that.
Maybe it gets lonely when you reach the top? Idk.
My demeanor's FAR different now than it was earlier, if you can't tell. I think my personality might have shifted, I'm not sure. I have some alters who are the "kawaii" types (there's not a better word for it, sorry) cutesy and asexual mostly and just enraptured in innocent cute things and plants and the loveliness of all things.
I do not know why my depression and adoration of this world overcome me entirely at random.
I am too much for this world. I am too much for myself. This world is too much for me.
Modelesque and razor-sharp.
Then I became vague for a few hours.
Now I have two small sections of hair on either side of my head tied into pigtails, I feel cute. I'm listening to some 8bit music, the kind of sounds my Gameboy games made, feeling nostalgic of my "kawaii" video game nerd weeaboo days. Even though I had "perfection" issues then, there was a boy by the name of FrankWolf who was kind of my definition of what I wanted to look like and strive for, but he committed suicide shortly after I found out about him.
It was kind of a sobering moment. I think I cried. I don't remember. That maybe he wasn't happy even though thousands of people want to look like that.
Maybe it gets lonely when you reach the top? Idk.
My demeanor's FAR different now than it was earlier, if you can't tell. I think my personality might have shifted, I'm not sure. I have some alters who are the "kawaii" types (there's not a better word for it, sorry) cutesy and asexual mostly and just enraptured in innocent cute things and plants and the loveliness of all things.
I do not know why my depression and adoration of this world overcome me entirely at random.
I am too much for this world. I am too much for myself. This world is too much for me.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
Really rapid mood shifts are likely to be the borderline rather than the bipolar (I'm assuming you are dual diagnosis) - so that needs more DBT, thinking / coping skills - are you getting support for that?