Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hi everyone, I'm coming to you all for some insight and help. I was considering posting something yesterday but I'm glad I didn't so that I could allow most of my dramatics to dissipate.
I am trying to figure myself out. I seem to have an episode every 15 days, even if I skip one. So far as I am aware the only one I skipped was one around 16 days ago when I felt as if I was about to go into a manic episode and my fear kept me out of it.
I am on Depakote and Abilify, and it seems that this has shortened the length of the episodes, as well as made them less likely to be euphoric and more likely to be angry or anxious.
I also think it might be possible for stress to trigger an episode, since that might have happened a week ago - however there was no manic involved with that one, it was just a two day long period of being totally miserable. Could that have been a depressive episode?
What might be causing my episodes to be every 15 days like that? Some people have suggested hormones, but how can hormones effect bipolar episodes?
I seem to have lots of questions and so few answers
I am trying to figure myself out. I seem to have an episode every 15 days, even if I skip one. So far as I am aware the only one I skipped was one around 16 days ago when I felt as if I was about to go into a manic episode and my fear kept me out of it.
I am on Depakote and Abilify, and it seems that this has shortened the length of the episodes, as well as made them less likely to be euphoric and more likely to be angry or anxious.
I also think it might be possible for stress to trigger an episode, since that might have happened a week ago - however there was no manic involved with that one, it was just a two day long period of being totally miserable. Could that have been a depressive episode?
What might be causing my episodes to be every 15 days like that? Some people have suggested hormones, but how can hormones effect bipolar episodes?
I seem to have lots of questions and so few answers
I also rapid cycle, but I have found a good combination of medications that have helped me. It sounds like you may need a medication adjustment to help you deal with that anger and further reduce the agitation.
I don't want to deal with changing my meds again
I don't want to struggling with yet more side effects
I am so happy on these meds because of the lack of bad side effects!
Yet now thats going to have to change too.
I understand that rapid cycling makes finding the right meds even harder. That scares the crap out of me. I feel like I'm going to be dealing with this forever.
I almost want to ask just for some anti-depressants and to be taken off the anti-psychotics. Fuckit, I'll enjoy the mania, I'm just so scared of the depressive episodes, they are so painful!!!
I need hope :(
My heart goes out to you it is so hard when you are a rapid cycler. It could be your hormones I guess but more than likely it's an exasperation of your bipolar. Definitely talk to your doctor about it. First for a couple weeks keep a chart of just when you're up, down, and even, if that's a mood for you.
I am going to try very hard to not write a novel, forgive me if I do.
I rapid cycle, but mine can be anywheres from 10-30 times a day I am up and down. Euphoric, conquer the world, accomplish anything I set my mind to kind of thing for maybe an hour and then wham down into the depression I go, tears, hopeless, and suicidal. I can be like that for maybe a couple hours and then back up I go.
I currently take 100 mg Pristiq and 30 of Abilify. I have been trying for years now to find the right combination of meds. Unfortunately I have narcolepsy too and so some of the bipolar meds I can't take because of the additional sleepiness they cause.
I know what you mean by not wanting to deal with the med changes, side effects, and anxiety about possibly starting over or having to increase what you are on. It's very frustrating.
The problem with not taking the full regime of bipolar meds, only taking an antidepressant is, if you aren't taking a mood stabilizer than the manic can go haywire on you, when you crash the depression can and usually is 10 times worse because of lack of right meds.
Please, as much as it is nice and fun to be manic, for a lot of people anyways, you have to take all meds prescribed or you aren't going to get better.
It might not be the meds that changed the episode to anger and anxious. I used to be a happy manic, kind of like a happy drunk. When I was manic I was always very UP there, very happy, talking nonstop about everything in my head, but always happy. Over the years though that has changed to sheer anger, bitterness, hurtfulness. I am always angry and yelling and bitching at everyone. It's about 50/50 though, half from bipolar and the other half from the narcolepsy.
I used to always hear news stories on tv how so and so killed or beat up someone and they claimed to be bipolar. At one point I refused to even believe that someone bipolar could kill anyone, this was still when I was a happy manic.
Years later when it changed I could 100% see someone bipolar going ape and killing someone. One day at work I wanted to literally kill this coworker that I didn't get along with. She was the B from hell and always did things behind our bosses back to me, she would throw sacks of merchandise at me in front of customers, cuss me out, etc. So I had had enough one day and went off. Two of the other office girls had to drag me out of the building and made me go home.
It wasn't until then that I realized just how dangerous bipolar can be. One time I had visions of stabbing my middle son to death. That scared the F out of me. I went to my psychiatrist right away and told him about it. He said not to take any chances because bipolar people can be fine one minute and then snap the next not knowing what they are doing. He said if I ever had those visions, thoughts again to get the heck away from my kids and get to the hospital. (Just so you know, I love my kids with all my heart and wouldn't think of hurting a hair on their heads.) Thank goodness it only happened once.
What I am trying to say is that bipolar is a dual problem, ups and downs and you can't just treat the downs and live with the ups. It doesn't work that way. I tried for over 10 years to live like that. I have learned a lot about bipolar since being diagnosed 16 years ago.
The biggest thing I learned was that bipolar usually does get worse over the years, but without medication it most definitely will get worse, maybe even to the point of no return. By that I mean if one decides to not take the proper medications then as the years go by you run the risk of being institutionalized permanently. NOT something I want to do. Been in hospital too much to know I don't want to live there for the rest of my life.
Please talk to your doctor about the rapid cycles, tell them your concerns about everything. There are so many different meds out there now that maybe doctor can find some that have fewer side effects then the others.
Also remember, usually the side effects go away if you can just get to that 6-8 week time where they are in your system and your body accepts them. If you can get through the rough times it's will be worth it to not have the highs and lows daily.
Good Luck,
Hugs,
Kimmers
I am feeling a lot better today (so far). I saw my pdoc today and had my buspar dose switched from 10mg 3 times a day to 15mg 2 times a day. Hopefully I can get past the side effects from the dose increase.
Once my body gets used to the dose increase I am going to ask for either an antidepressant to deal with the downs, or an increase in the abilify from 10mg (which I understand is a starting dose) to 20mg (normal dose, I believe).
A friend of mine told me about different anti-depressants, and said that there are two kinds. The kind for chronic depression that apparently wouldn't work for my kind of depression which is very acute and sudden, or Happy Pills. Please tell me there are other alternatives, because happy pills are apparently very addictive and I am an addict. Not a drug addict, but still an addict and I am scared to get addicted to something else.
What kind of pills can be prescribed to deal with acute depression?
A manic episode can last anywhere from 4 days to 30 minutes, depending on how long it takes me to crash and the reason I am in an episode. Generally if the manic episode is sexually based it will last longer (until I stop acting out sexually, I think)
I don't know how long the Depressive episodes last exactly, but I've seen one last around two days recently. When they are paired with a manic episode I figure they last somewhere around the same length of time as the manic episode, with variation. Again I've seen a depressive episode last only around 30 minutes.
The manic episodes are usually hypomania, either euphoric, angry, or anxious. The only time they show up as full blown manic, as far as I'm aware, is when I start sexually acting out.
The depressive episodes are acute, not the chronic type where all I want to do is lay in bed. I get up, I just bitch and moan a lot and am generally fucking miserable, I cry a lot too. A depressive episode caused me to miss a class at college because I was too busy being sorry for myself, I literally walked in then walked out so I could cry. I also took everything very personally and blamed myself for everything. Whatever I could do to make myself feel worse.
Anyway, that is pretty much all I have figured out so far. I only got my diagnosis around two months ago so I haven't been aware of this for very long.