Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
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You seriously need to stop diluding yourself and try to look at real world options. BP meds are known to be successful, you will not be sent to jail for buying them, neither will your children end up in foster care, you will not feel like a "closet criminal" for asking your doc, and more than anything: you have a chance at real success.
This whole belief that by smoking pot you are somehow helping youself is a bunch of bullshit. THC is not shown to alter the brain chemistry in a way that is beneficial to BP's. My money would be on the pot being the reason you can't keep a job, not the BP.
It is a proven statistical fact that people who smoke dope are lethargic and have very little motivation to do much of anything. Why else do you think they prescribe it for those who have MS, cataracts, cancer etc? To ease their pain, relax their minds and help them let go of their current suffering.
Stop smoking pot, find a therapist, start working on some job skills training and take care of those kids. I have yet to meet a pot smoking mom who really interacts with her kids. You make me very angry to think you are on here bitching about how you can't afford pot when there are so many other options out there. Free options.
And before you even think of justifying yourself, here are my qualifications:
Single mom for 8 years
Recovering alcoholic and drug addict, daily pot smoker
Undiagnosed BP until I was 30. Symptomatic and suicidal at 11.
Bottom line: You won't get anywhere until you let go of the crutch. Let go and let the god of your understanding help you, without the pot.