Why the heck is is with me I either have TOO much Patience or not enough. It is like I can't find the middle ground. My middle child is so trying what little patience I have this week and I honestly wanna just RUN. I've broke myself from that habit after having kids cause I knew I could just run out the door and not look back, I had to face my problems and that is when I began just sitting in my closet in the dark for like 30 mins once my husband got home and I couldn't take it any longer. This week my 3 year old has pushed me to edge and I'm stressed and tense it isn't funny. I don't know how to find patience. I try to tell my self I'm going to be more patience and I even set some goals/promises for myself and stuck them to the mirror. Yeah that didn't work. its kind of like writing memos on your hand only to not look at and remember to do it. lol I have said things I wish I could beat myself for cause they aren't true only come out of anger. and thankfully she is only 3 and will never remember them as long as I can get myself under control. But I'm so stressed my chest hurts at times and I think i'm having a heart attack at 25 years old. :( then wen I loose my patience and yell or say mean things I just feel awful and wanna cry. I ask myself why I can't be a good mom like they deserve, even though I don't think I'm a bad mom, I just want better for them. I want one of those perfect moms that sits and plays with the kids all day long, and takes them places or has no problems with them when it comes to eating and so on. you know those mom's you see in movies. lol I mean I keep the house clean, 3 meals a day, clean clothes, kids bathed and healthy and so on. and they get family time too. I grant you it may not be what they want or even what I want but we do spend time together.

I just want and NEED patience, any tips on to deal.